sing your song, Comagirl (finished)

Part 22

*Cecilie's POV*

It's been a couple of weeks since CC and I first did the dirty. Since then we'd done it a couple of times, but not as much as the first couple of days.
Today was the day my period was officially 4 days late.
CC was at the studio with the guys working on their new album - A good thing about being close to the band was that I knew a new album was coming before any of the fans. 

I walked to the store and picked up 2 pregnancy tests I went home and used one right away. These were the longest 10 minutes of my life and in my crisis I called up Inna. She was there with me in the matter of 2 minutes now in the bathroom pacing with me.

"And if you're pregnant it's good news, right?" She asked me. I simply nodded sitting on the bathroom floor with my head in my hands.
"Then why are you panicking?" She giggled. "I don't know... you're pacing too... why are you pacing?" I said so fast I nearly stumbled over my words. "Because this is huge... I mean... I'll become an aunt!" She squealed. Right then my phone started blasting rebel love song. I picked it up trying not to sound nervous "Hi honey" I said into the phone.

"Hey, band practice is gonna take a little longer today, I wont be home in time for dinner, I'm so sorry" I heard CC say "it's okay, hon-" - I was cut off by Inna snatching the pregnancy test off the counter nodding at me. "You okay?" CC asked. I could feel tears forming in my eyes " yea, I'm good - I'll see you later" I hurried before hanging up. 

Inna showed me the test and i saw the faint second line forming a plus on the test.

She engulfed me in a hug and we jumped up and down both just squealing.
"You're gonna have a baby! she screamed at me holding my hands" 
I then felt a knot in my stomach "omg... I'm gonna have a baby..." I stared blankly into nothing. I suddenly felt nervous and didn't really know what to do.
I started crying "inna, I'm really gonna have a baby" I looked at her and tears started to drip down my cheeks. She dried them and kissed my forehead.

"Wanna get pizza for dinner?" She asked me and I simply nodded still crying silently.

I really wanted to have a child but I would have to be honest to CC about how I was feeling because I couldn't raise a child while I was still depressed.
I had been hiding scars from him these past few weeks and I felt so guilty.

"What's wrong?" Inna asked. "I need to talk to CC.. like.. really talk... I haven't been honest with him.." Inna looked confused and I could almost hear her heart drop. "What do you mean?" She asked me.

"He thinks I'm all better... but I feel so miserable.. I didn't wanna tell anyone because I have no reason to feel this way... It's just plain stupid." I shook my head looking down embarrassed.
She put her hand on my shoulder "It's okay to feel a little sad sometimes... as long as you aren't hurting your self.." She said eyeing me carefully. I didn't have to say anything. My silence was enough and upon eye-contact her face softened.

"okay.. I'll have to call CC... he'll be home soon and I'll leave you guys to talk.." She sighed.
"Okay... please don't tell him though.." My tears were pressing.

Inna didn't respond to me and simply walked out the room dialling CC's number. 10 minutes later he was at the front door and Inna walked home. I stayed in the bedroom sitting on the edge of the bed.

I could hear his aggressive steps on the short stair to the hallway. With every step he took my heart jumped. He had a stern look, but when he saw my tear stained face it softened. However he quickly went back to being mad.

"Give me your razors! now!" He shouted making me tremble. "All of them" He added sharply. 
I couldn't stand up - I was completely frozen in place. He walked in front of me, but my eyes were locked on the ground.

He gently grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to a stand. He then lifted up my chin "I've had enough of being nice about it. this needs to change baby" He said gently and when I looked in his eyes I could see he had been crying too. I nodded and walked to the bathroom handing him the beaten up shaving razor I had. I also walked to the messy room he had and took the blood stained pencil sharpener from the table. I then grabbed my journal and shook it letting 2 blades fall to the floor with an indistinct *klink*

I then handed them all to CC.
"These are all of them?" he said glowering at the blades in his hand.
I nodded and when CC took a step forward I trembled backwards "Are you sure?" He was trying to make eye contact but I just couldn't look at him. I felt so ashamed. I broke down and went into the bathroom and gave him the last razor, which I had hoped to keep for emergencies.

"I am not mad at you.. I'm just very hurt... you understand that, right?" He said when I laid the razor in his hand. I simply nodded still not looking into his eyes.

He took my hand and gave back all the razors "Now flush them." He said flatly. "I.. CC .." I stuttered. "Do it!" He raised his voice at me sending me into a full blown panic attack.
He took out his phone and dialled a number.

Trigger warning

"Andy... I need you help... I'll explain everything when you" I then made eye contact with him for the first time after giving him my blades - as I locked myself in the bathroom with all of them.
"NOO!" I could hear him scream at me and he ran to the bathroom door. "Andy, she just locked herself in the bathroom with like... 10 razor blades, come quick" Apparently Andy had started running as soon as CC dropped the phone and I heard the front door open.
I was slicing my arm feeling the sweet relief of the warm blood dripping to the floor. 
Completely enchanted by the look of the velvety red colour seeping from my arms I just sat there staring at it. 
Then the door was kicked in.
CC had brought a scarf and he tightened it on my upper arm right away while Andy examined the 4 deep cuts I had managed to make on my arm.
"She didn't hit anything vital... we just gotta take her in for stitches... these are pretty nasty." He said. I was still silent completely mesmerised by the thick red liquid.
When Andy tried to pull me to my legs I came to my senses "No! I don't wanna go... it's fine!" I screamed trying to fight the two boys who were much larger than me.

Trigger warning over

CC's POV

I had called up Andy for help and we managed to overpower Cecilie and got her to the emergency room. She didn't hit anything vital, but she definitely needed stitches.
The lady got us the files to fill out so they could give Cecilie some pain medication.
she crossed no all the way down

I don't smoke

I don't do drugs

I am not currently drunk 

And so on and so forth - then she paused and I could tell she had started hyperventilating.

"You okay?" I asked looking at the last question.

"I am not pregnant" She looked into my eyes. and put a minus next to the box instead of ticking it. 
"Are you serious?" I asked her not really knowing wether I should be excited or scared.
She simply nodded and then the nurse called her in to get the stitches done. 
We didn't get a chance to talk about it in the ER as people were always around us.