My friend I have a question. Why can't I go on day with out having a break down? On Monday everything was going fine I was happy which was actually real and not fake.
When school was lat out I hung out with my friends and talked which isn't anything new, I just stayed longer. I started walking with my friend but I got distracted and went with my other friend so I ended up walking down the hill with him while my other friend waited on top.
God my friend I don know what happened. When my friend got in the car I joked around by saying something which isn't new, it's the way we express our feelings to each other she knew I was kidding. My mom took it out of proportion and blew up. I can't take it anymore.
She was just being a bitch, you know my mom. She started yelling and calling us names. I wanted to cry. She then started kicking me out of no where which pissed me off. I don't wanna be here. She does this thing where she lashes out and then expects everything to be okay. It's not.
My friend If I told you all the detail you would get bored and stop listening. I'm surprised you listen now. I mean do you have a choice?
Do people not understand if they push me to a certain point I will crack! I will literally break down and cry, I will cut my self until there is no more blood to poor. God I hate to sound like drama queen but I have problems I can not deal with. So I fucking write to you and you're dead. I wanna see you. You're dead, you're fucking dead.
On Tuesday I came to school tired. To tired to talk or even socialize. I can't do this with you anymore I need you to stop. I imagine you coming to the table to sit with us but you never come! I don't know where we went wrong. The rest of my day aw quoted the usual so it was nothing new. I stopped doing my homework. I remember you helping me out of my old habits, but my friend I'm slipping again and nobody's helping me back up. I'm drowning.
My mom's boyfriend is getting out of hand. He keeps thinking he can discipline me along with my siblings. He needs to leave. What I find funny is that if my siblings or I disrespect my mom he can go and give us a huge lecture and shit, but he's the one who cheated on my mom. Do you know what it was like to see her cry? Or when she broke down at the most random way times. Do not tell me I am disrespecting my mother when you call her names that you're not even supposed to call a women. Dick.
I haven't been talking to anyone lately and I feel bad it's just that I'm sad. And only one person knows how I really do feel.
My friends and I were talking about cutting on Tuesday, I said a couple thing but then I stopped. It kind of hurt. To be honest with you it's just my depression that's acting up. I don't know how I hide it, but I do a good job. Psh.
Wednesday I tried staying home. I didn't even feel sad I just didn't want to go. I stopped doing my homework because I don't see the point of doing it, I should be studying right now but my god I'm done.
My depression has the best of me right now and for some reason I'm starting to let it show. It's not worth the fight anymore. I remember when we were in the 6th grade and you knew everything about me. I had a scratch in my cornea and you made sure I wore my glasses all the time even though I thought I looked stupid. Remember when I dated that one kid for almost a year? December will be 3 years. You see I still talk to him I miss him. My friend I'm slipping again.
