I came home today and I just sat down on the floor, don't ask me why because I don't know. I've been thinking about you a lot, I know that doesn't sound surprising but it's more then usual. I was thinking about on your very last day here you didn't bother telling me goodbye. God dammit didn't you know I loved you?! My friend I would've done anything for you, but hell you could'nt even talk to me! What I find funny is how you listened to me but you never took the time to cut me off and tell me how you feel. Fuck you.
On Tuesday night I cried for no reason and I had an anxiety attack. Man I fucking hate you so much. I looked at my self in the mirror and I cried, waiting for you to come and hold me rocking me back and forth telling me it's okay. It's not fucking okay, My friend I have depression and it's getting worse. I haven't had medication for how long. You know what the funny thing is I scratched my wrist so hard they started to bleed and it felt good. I didn't think about doing it but I did it anyway.
My friend I'm sorry for lashing out on you sometimes I don't like you. Can you please tell me why you took the time to kill your self? Can you please tell me why you thought it was okay to keep things to your self? I thought we were best friends, we told each other everything. Can you please tell me why I am so down all of a sudden? Why did it come back?
The sad part is, I told my mom I cut and I watched her eyes widen and you know what I did I showed them to her. I grabbed what ever I could and cut right in front of her. I then told her I want to die on a daily basis. Fuck. My friend I am done, done with everything. I called my friend on Tuesday night and I could hear the sadness in her voice. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I repeated that over and over. My friend I don't know what to do.
I didn't go to school yesterday because of what happened the previous night. I told my mom I was getting bullied. Which I was, but she turned everything into a big deal. Shut the fuck up my friend. I keep hearing your voice and your laughter go damn I hate you.
Their getting tired of me, I know they are. God I want to die, I want to grab the pills in between my bed and swallow every single one of them. And if I live send me away. My friend people think I'm happy but I'm not. I'm really not.
My friend I don't know what to say so I'm just going to leave and stare at our picture. I love and miss you I'll see you soon.
