guilt | kihyuk

February 5th, 2019

"Are you ready?" Hyungwon asked his five friends, they all nodded. With that they all grabbed each other's hands walking in the cold night to meet the sea. Minhyuk's favorite place. Everyone had decided to go there to celebrate the New Year, close to Minhyuk.

After eating and celebrating the boys got up and separated, each going to a certain spot near the sea.
Kihyun took a piece of paper and started to write as he possibly could.

"Minhyuk,
Words could never express how grateful I was to have ever been able to know you. Such an amazing human being. Your innocence and your joy always amazed me. I instantly fell in love the day I saw and heard you for the first time, I remember your voice sounding so deep yet so delicate. How you came to me that day.
With you I was never unhappy. No one could ever love me the way you did. No one could ever compete. You are the one Minhyuk.
You are the only one in my mind and in my heart, forever.
To that day I feel so guilty for what I did to you but I know deep down that your big kind heart will forgive me. I will miss you but I will keep going for you baby. I will keep smiling, I will keep giving my all in everything I do just like you always did. I will keep seeing the positive side of things. I will start seeing the world in colors and not in black and white anymore.
Happy new year Min.
Thank you for teaching me how to love.
Thank you for showing me how it felt to be loved.
Love you forever my only one.
Kihyun."

The five boys who had finished writing turned to Kihyun, seeing their friend shedding some tears on the paper as he wrote. Everyone folded their papers and put them in the lantern, holding onto each other tight. Hyungwon held Kihyun as the latter lit up the lantern and sent it to the sky. The six boys watched the lantern fly up in the sky above the sea. Kihyun was still crying but Hyungwon noticed a slight smile on his face as he watched the lantern go up.

Hyunwoo also saw that smile. Maybe Kihyun was finally ready to let go. Maybe Kihyun had finally found the way to acknowledge Min's departure. That would not mean he would forget about him, that would just mean that Kihyun still had Minhyuk in his heart but as an happy memory and not a source of guilt and sadness. Kihyun would now still love Minhyuk but he would never let the pain win him over. Of course some days would be harder but maybe Kihyun finally felt ready to fight harder. For him. For Minhyuk.

Kihyun watched as that lantern went up and he could not help but wondering if Minhyuk was watching him. That brought a smile to his face despite the tears of letting him go. Seeing that light in the sky was a proper way to say goodbye.
Are you forgiving me Minhyuk?
Are you watching?
Are you proud of us?
Kihyun had so many questions going through his mind but in the end all he could think of was Minhyuk's angelic smile. That light up there, that's Minhyuk.

"I love you" Kihyun whispered watching that light go up, becoming smaller each second.

Just like that the six boys joined into a group hug, so sincere with so much love. Of course they were crying but they were happy.

Before leaving Kihyun turned to the sea once again and whispered,
"Thank you for watching over me, my lucky star."

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed!
The end of this story is so near :(.
Thank you for supporting me.
Love you,
C.