guilt | kihyuk

August 3rd, 2018

For weeks, Kihyun has been reading Minhyuk's letters. Still, memories were coming back to him. And still, Minhyuk's image would haunt him making him regret his previous choices. Every day, Kihyun has been cursing himself, reminding himself how much of an idiot he was. But it was useless now that the only person he's ever loved was gone. His lover, his soulmate, his entire universe had left. At night, Kihyun would find himself praying every God for Minhyuk to come back to him even for a few minutes just so he could apologize and hold him and kiss him one last time, but it was impossible.

Today, Minhyuk's letter talked about a painting. A painting Minhyuk had made,
"you know this painting we had pinned into the wall of the living-room. Take it down and look behind it."
Which Kihyun did. There was a little mp3 hiding there, how had Kihyun never noticed that before. Without hesitating Kihyun grabbed the small item and plugged in his headphones, he needed to listen to it, now.

-October 15th,2016. Hello Kihyun.

Kihyun paused, hearing Minhyuk's voice hurt, it stung, it burned and it iced his blood. Kihyun hadn't heard that familiar and beautiful voice of Minhyuk's in so long. It felt almost as if someone had punched him in the stomach very hard, cutting his breath for a few moments. Kihyun was suffocating, he wanted to scream out of pain but nothing came out except for hot burning tears. With his eyes full of tears and his sobbing that couldn't stop Kihyun decided to try and listen more of it.

-October 15th, 2016. Hello Kihyun. It's Minhyuk. I don't know when you are going to listen to this but I have made a decision, a tough one. By now you must have heard about my decision already.
Now it is 2pm, we have a group meeting at 5. I will tell you guys, i can't tell how you will all react yet but just so you know it was a hard decision to take but I am convinced now. It is the only right thing to do, right?
Anyway don't hate me for it, please. If I did it it's only for your own good Kihyun. Because I love and care for you. Even though it is a one way thing now I don't care. I still want the best for you. I'm a pathetic idiot, I know....
Anyway. Take care Ki.
I love you.

Kihyun snatched the headphones from his head crying and moving uncontrollably loudly cursing himself. Hearing Min's voice hurt even deeper and Kihyun felt like he was dying.
'Why did you leave me' Kihyun repeated pulling on his hair unable to control himself.