Bad Timing

XXXII

I sent Stanford University a letter yesterday. I should be receiving one, whether they let me return or not, tomorrow.
I sent Fran a letter yesterday. By the end of the day my stuff was out of the office almost as fast as I put it there three weeks prior.
I sent Cade a text message earlier today asking if he wanted to stop by my place for one last drink before I breach my contract with my land lord and be blackballed by every apartment land lord in West Hollywood.
I open the door after I hear the "shave and a haircut" knock. Cade stands before me in grey jeans and a loose black tee shirt. A very Cade look.
"Hey," he says softly. I return the greeting and let him into my apartment.
"Are you sad to leave L.A.?" He inquires.
"A little. Not as sad as I thought I would be. I just tried to grow up too fast, I'm not ready for this," I say and walk into the kitchen.
"I get that," he says, "I'm gonna miss seeing your face in the office."
"Yeah?" I joke.
He just bites his lip before clearing his throat.
My stomach ties in a thousand knots. This exactly the opposite of what I need right now.
Speaking of bad timing, my phone chirps. It's Dean.
Hey claire, thinking about you right now. What's up?

Dean everything has just blown up! We have to talk ASAP

I respond excited to tell him about my possible return to Stanford.
"Whoa!" I hear Cade exclaim and set my phone down. I walk over to him looking at my photo album that was on my coffee table. He's flipped to the page of a photo of me and Ian where he is kissing my cheek from Junior year.
"Oh," I say and he looks up at me with furrowed eyebrows.
"You and Ian Griswold?!"
"Yeah..." I say and let my hands slide into the back pockets of my jeans.
"What the hell, Claire! This could've been so good to put in the interview story!" Cade exclaims and my face paints itself with confusion.
"What? No way. That's way too personal," I say.
"Yeah ok. Can you at least tell me about your relationship?" He asks and I take a seat next to him on my couch.
"Well we went to the same high school and were in the same psych class.  I thought he was really cute but a) he was a year older than me and cooler than me and b) had a girlfriend. But somehow some way he liked me too. We dated in secret for nearly a year. We broke things off August going into my senior year.  Over holiday break of my senior year we rekindled things and publicly debuted our relationship. We just broke up last winter. The interview was the first time we had seen each other since our break up," I say.
"Sheesh how did that make you feel?"
"I was scared at first. Of how he would react to me interviewing him. It felt more of like an out-of-body experience. I was there to do my job and he was there to do his.  It didn't feel like us, you know?" I say and glance at the photo in front of me. It was a photo that used to be put away in a cardboard box on the top shelf of my closet.
After all of these years it now rests in a photo album with photos of us from memories we hadn't yet experienced in that photo. It also rests alongside photos of me and Ross. Photos of me and dean at Todd and Harper's wedding. And I thought my life was crazy then, if I could only go back and tell myself it's just the beginning so hang on.
Cade and I move on and end up watching two movies. It's nearly midnight by the time we finish.
"Do you still love him?" Cade's question catches me off guard.
"Love who?"
"Ian."
"I still love him. I will always love him. He was my first everything. I would be foolish not to love him still. But I'm not in love with him. There's a difference. The love I feel isn't shared with him. It's just at him. It surrounds him, it's not connecting the two of us," I try  to explain.
Cade nods his head as if he gets it.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
We both are startled by at loud pounding at my door. I jump to my feet and rush to the door. I open it to a panting and sweaty Dean.
"Dean?! What the hell!"
"Claire, you're ok!" He pants. His eyes are wide and his hair is all messy. He looks frazzled in his light washed Levi's and deep red crewneck sweatshirt. He peers over my head to see Cade standing up next to the couch.
"Of course I'm ok why wouldn't I be?"
"The text you sent! 'Everything has blown up' and then 'we need to talk ASAP' I didn't hear from you again after that so I was worried," he admits and I softly smile.
"So you drove five and a half hours just to come check on me?"
He nods slowly and runs his hands through his curly hair nervously.
"One sec," I say and walk back over to Cade.
"Hey, I'm sorry to end this so abruptly but I have to talk with him and it's getting late so...," I say.
"Ok, I get it," he answers and I walk him out. He looks up at Dean before exiting.
Once Cade is gone and I shut the door Dean starts to say, "I'm sorr-."
I cut him off my placing my lips on his and my hand around his neck. He immediately kisses me back. His hands explore my back while his tongue begs for entrance.
Dean picks me up and I wrap my legs around him as he carries me to my bedroom.
When he lays me down he breaks the kiss and I open my eyes for the first time. He's hovering over me and I smile.
"What?" He laughs and my smile goes even wider.
"I really want this. I really want you."
And with that sentiment, Dean takes off his shirt, followed by my own. He sucks gently on the skin on my neck and I moan in pleasure as my hands fiddle with the zipper on his jeans. He laughs gently and helps me before sliding of my own pair. Finally.