Bad Timing

VI

So I haven't talked to Ross since he left my house early Sunday morning.
He's texted me, I haven't responded. I have missed first and last period every day this week.
It's not that I don't want to see him, I do.
I'm just confused.
After school today it is mandatory that all Times writers attend the last football game.
I'm going to tell him tonight that I like him but it feels weird to like somebody else that isn't Ian. Then I am going to tell him everything that happened before I met him.
I'll tell him about, Ian, Harper, Amber, all of my other old friends and I'll tell him about that god awful August night.
Tonight's theme? School colors. Blue and white.
I throw on blue jeans and a white tee shirt because I'm not really interested in football tonight.
I do want to be with Ross, I'm so lucky to have found someone like him.
He's everything I want and everything I need. I'm ready to move on.
"Hey, Claire, do you need a ride tonight?" Todd says coming into my room.
"You'd drive me? To the game? Where everyone from school is going to be?" I am shocked.
"Yeah, it's the last one, just don't get used to this treatment," he smiles.
"Thank you? I'll be down in a minute," I say.
"Where's Marlena?" I ask while we drive to the stadium.
"She's in Colorado visiting family," he says.
I nod my head.
When we get to the stadium I feel my heart pounding out of my chest.
I grab a hot chocolate before even trying to find Ross.
When I turn around my eyes immediately fall on him in his black converse and leather jacket subconsciously messing with his long brown hair.
I walk over to him, "hi."
"So now you're talking to me?" He furrows his eyebrows.
"About that I-," he cuts me off.
"You've been avoiding me like the plague all week, Claire. I know you've been here for 2nd through 6th period, I know you have seen my texts," he looks hurt.
"I'm sorry, Ross, really. I just I needed time to think. What happened Saturday was something that I had wanted for a very long time, but I needed to think about if I was ready or not to jump into a relationship," I admit while trying my hardest not to kiss him right then and there.
"You could have told me. I wish you would have told me," he says back.
"Why's that?"
As of right on cue, Amber strolls over to the both of us.
"Babe! I've been looking for you! There's two concession stands so I went to the other one first!" She laughs and slides her hand around his waist.
I feel my lunch start to come back up. I swear I am going into anaphylactic shock.
Ross looks at me so endearingly I'm afraid I might cry.
"What are you doing here?" She spats.
"We," I clear my throat to cover up my voice breaking, "We have to write a Times article."
"Well, Clairebear, why don't you write your article," She shoos me, "over there."
"Yeah that might be a good idea," I say looking at Ross.
I walk away from the lovebirds in awe of what my eyes have just seen.
Clearly what happened didn't mean anything to Ross. Five days, five fucking days go by where I am just thinking about what to do and he moves on? With Amber? What the fuck!
Clearly Ross just wants someone to screw and not a real relationship. What a fucking phony.
Todd meets me at his car and we drive home after the game.
"Are you ok?" He asks.
"Yeah I'm fine," I lie.
He doesn't ask any follow up questions and the first time since our parents got married I am thankful that Todd and I aren't that close.
When I get up to my room my phone goes off.
Can we talk?
It's from Ross.
Absolutely not.

Claire this isn't fair. Please.

You're just a man whore who wanted a fuck buddy and I was stupid enough to believe you actually cared about me.

I do care. Yeah I kissed Amber and I'm sorry but that was just yesterday. I didn't think that we were in a relationship and you were ignoring me so I thought you thought you made a mistake.

You could have waited.

I didn't know how long you were going to make me wait, Claire. I thought you regretted everything that happened. I needed to get you off my lips.

Did you get me off your fingers and your dick too then?!

No, I would never.

I'm starting to doubt your word, Ross.

Fine. Whatever. I don't know why I have to explain myself to you when you are the one who ghosted me. You treated me like shit and now I'm getting scolded because I moved on?! How was I supposed to know what you wanted when you wouldn't even be in the same classroom as me.

Bye, Ross.

Bye.

And to think I was going to open up to this douchebag?! Jokes on me for thinking that somebody would be different around here.
I texted my dealer and he agreed to meet me in our old spot.
It looks like old Claire is coming back.
He hands me the small plastic bag and I pay him $180 dollars.
I too thought I was better than this.
When I get back home I make a little too much noise and Todd wakes up.
"God, Claire, are part of a fucking stampede?" He asks.
"Sorry," he follows me into my room.
"Can I ask you something, Todd?"
"Depends."
"Do you know Ross Adler?" I ask.
"Yeah, sure, he's that new kid. I think he just started going out with Amber Wilcox," he responds.
"So I've heard," I sigh.
"Why?" He questions.
"Just wondering if his name has gone around the school," I lie.
"Yeah, well if you didn't know him before, thanks to Amber, you'll know him now."
"Right, well, goodnight then," I say.
"Night," he says and leaves my room.
I quickly remove the coke from my purse and slide it into my old hiding place underneath my bedside table in a cut out hole.
I'm starting to feel guilty about the purchase- a very "old Claire" thing of me to do. I wasn't expecting to resort back to my old ways quite this soon.
Will I use it? I don't know. I just like knowing that I have it. Just in case.
Just in case Ross and Amber end up getting fucking married or something.