Bad Timing

III

Oh god. Not him.
"Dude, get off her, she said no," he says crisply. He towers over Dixon, I see his tattoos peak out on his wrist out from under his crewneck.
"Is she your property, Griswold?" Dixon asks. He looks over at me but I avoid eye contact.
"Just go, Hayes," he says firmly. Dixon listens and removes his hands from his body.
"Hi," he says calmly and faces me.
"What are you doing here?" I look down at my feet.
"Cousin's wedding, and Hunter said I should come tonight, I didn't know you would be here, Claire," he says.
I shudder at how he says my name. I used to want to drown in his honey voice but now, hearing it feels like nails on a chalkboard.
"I've got to go," I fold my arms over my chest and start to walk away.
"I miss you," he utters.
I turn around and make the mistake of looking up at him, "you don't get to miss me, Ian."
I turn around and keep walking as I feel tears well up in my eyes.
As I charge out of the house, I catch Ross's eye.
"Hey hey hey!" He tries to keep up with me.
I brush away my tears and stop to face him.
"What's up? What happened?" He looks concerned.
"Nothing, I'm just gonna go home," I say.
"Ok I'll take you," Ross speaks softly.
"No, you have fun, I'll walk," I don't really want to walk but I just know I have to leave.
"I'm not letting you do that, come on let's go," we walk to the car.
"Thanks," I say as we drive.
"It's the least I can do, and besides I said I would drive us," he drums his thumb against the steering wheel and I think back to the first day I met him.
I can't get Ian's face out of my head and I feel sick to my stomach.  I thought that after he left for college I wouldn't see him again.
"Sorry, I left you," Ross distracts me.
"It's fine, with Amber you don't really have a choice," I say.
He laughs, "right."
"I'm the third house on the left," I say and Ross pulls into my driveway.
"Thanks," I say again.
"It was nothing," he says, "I'll see you Monday?"
"Yep," I smile. I feel all warm inside when we talk, but I still feel underlying anxiety from earlier disrupting this feeling.
I get out of the car and make my way into the house, everyone is asleep.
I make my way into my room and head straight for my closet. I have to be on my tipped toes to reach the hat box collecting dust on the top shelf.
I sit on the floor with it sitting in front of me, I lift up the lid slowly and think about the afternoon I haste-fully put everything in it. Tears stained my cheeks as I threw any remnants of Ian into the brown and white striped box.
The first thing I see is the sketch of cherries I made for him last year in psychology. He told me, "Claire, I'm getting this tattooed so do a good job." I responded a "yeah right." Sure enough, he did it, right above his collarbone.
I always thought it was crazy that he had so many tattoos at 18. Tonight when I saw him, he had more.
I next see a ticket stub from the Cigarettes After Sex concert, the night of our first kiss. We were separated from the rest of the group in the back of the concert hall. He told me I was more beautiful than any one or thing. He touched my cheek lightly and I let his lips brush against mine as Affection played.
My eyes move to the note that read I can't stop thinking about you. He passed that to me in psych last year the Monday after the concert. We had been friends for the longest time. Harper had introduced me to him at the beginning of my sophomore year and his junior year. It was weird to think of us as anything more at first, but deep down he was the first boy I had a crush on in a long time.
A coaster from Mudhouse sits underneath the note. That was where we all went one night and everyone hated it there but me and Ian. It became our date spot, where we knew no one would find us.
The polaroids rest adjacent to the coaster but I can't bring myself to look at them. I glance quickly and see the one of Ian shirtless in my bed from one day during Christmas break last year.
Tears stream down my face and I put the lid back on the box and place it back on the top shelf of my closet to collect even more dust.
While I'm in the shower I let the hot water bead down my skin. I think about Ross for the first time since he dropped me off.
I think about his eyes and the way they squint when he really laughs. The way his Adam's Apple moves up and down when he throws his head back in that laughter. The way his teeth aren't perfect. The way he ran after me tonight. The way he looked at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention. The way he subconsciously touches his hair. The way he drums his fingers and moves his head up and down while listening to a song. The way when he drives he has his left hand at the top of the steering wheel while the right forearm rests on the center console. The way he looked in his leather jacket. I always thought nobody could look better than Ian in a leather jacket. Boy was I wrong.
I get out of the shower and put on my PJs. I hear something from Todd's room. I head over there but there is no one there. I look around at the dark red walls and deep colored wood furniture. I peer at a picture, it's Todd and his dad. I have only ever seen one photo of him and it was Lilith, my stepmom, who showed me.
His dad looks just like Todd. I wonder if his other kids look like Todd too.
"What are you doing?" Todd barges in.
"Oh uh, I uh, heard a noise I didn't know if you were home or not," I say.
"Well, here I am. You can go now," he raises an eyebrow at me.
"Right, ok. Night," I wander out of his room and back to my own.