heartbeats ; bughead

38

Jughead

The boy gained speed on me, as we ran through the deep black of the forest. I was panting, and if it weren't for the fact that he was chasing me with a gun, I would have collapsed. He had a deep voice, red hair glistening in the moonlight. 

I looked back, I tripped on a root, and he caught up to me, all in a matter of seconds. He smiled at me, as if he could see right through me. I shook my head as he held the gun up, the shadow flitting across my skin. His voice came out hollow, demonic, and I'd never felt more afraid. 

"You will die. You will. You'll pay. Then you--" He put his foot on my arm, and a hole appeared on his face, slowly expanding, blood escaping. "WIll join me." He let go of the trigger--

I woke up, sweating profusely, panting. What the fuck was that? I looked down, checking to see for a gun shot wound--

It was a dream. I had a lot of those these days. It had been a month since Betty and I broke up, and it was a shitty for me as ever. 

My phone lit up, and I felt a jolt in my stomach. Was it her? 

It was Archie. 

Jug? R u ok?  Was I okay? This month had been terrible. I couldn't even say her name. I couldn't get out of bed without feeling the impending truth, that I would never be able to hold her anymore, to be so close to her that nothing else mattered.

She brought out my feelings. My heart. But now...it felt like I didn't have a heart. 

Well, you deserved her silence. My stomach churned from thinking about it--

I rushed to the bathroom, letting out my insides, clutching my stomach. I sat on the floor, and moaned. I banged my head against the wall. 

I was a murderer. That was right. I was worthless. I was undeserving of anyone. This prompted me to close the door, lock it, fall back into my bed, not caring if I smelled, not caring what this messed up world thought of me. 

I was an outcast anyway. Was I okay? 

Obvious answer to that. I was falling down a cliff into the abyss of madness. 

hey archie. i'm okay. no need to check on me. 

Betty

Was I okay? I don't know. 

I felt an emptiness, an indescribable desire to get off my bed. I hadn't felt any anxious emotions from him leaving. Just...loneliness.

The once prismacolor world had careened back into the noir tones of alone. I didn't feel like doing anything fun, interesting. I didn't know who to talk to. Certainly not my parents or sister. They had it out for him since the beginning. 

I didn't realize how much time I had spent with him until our memories halted. He was the glow in my life that made my world turn upside down.

I thought of my last words to him. Told him he was a terrible boyfriend, basically. That nothing we had really meant anything to me. 

Wow. Looking back, that wasn't a super wise decision. My emotions were out of control then, and trust me, you never want to witness that. 

He used to be my everything. But now he was just an emptiness. But how badly I wanted to--

No, Betty. 

What's done is done. 

My stomach panged with a unrecognizable feeling as I saw a couple across the street, and he was wrapping his arms around her shoulders, mimicking her steps, head against hers. 

He kissed her head. She closed her eyes and smiled with a pure happiness. 

I clenched my fists. I clenched, and clenched harder still. I turned away, tears stinging my eyes. I wanted to hit someone, throw something. Why was I angry?

I didn't know. So much I didn't know about my own emotions. But with him, I had always felt sure I'd known myself. 

He brought out my feelings. My heart. But now...it felt like I didn't have a heart. 

In frustration, I sat on the bed, clutching my stomach. Kicking aimlessly at a force in the air. Blaming it for every miserable thing in my life. And trust me, there's a lot of those. 

I needed to talk to someone. Or I would crack. I opened up my hands, and there was blood where my nails dug into my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut.

What was wrong with me?

I took out my phone, scrolling through my contacts, restlessly looking for comfort that wasn't there. 

Please, someone. Please. I could feel tears coming. I felt alone. 

I was interrupted with a knock on my door. "Betty?" It was my mom.

"Not now, mom." I dried my tears, sniffed. I couldn't face my mom. I was disgusted, angry, alone. And most of that negative energy was directed at her. 

"Someone's here, Betty." I rolled my eyes. Probably some random family friend. Or some distant relative who wanted to see how much I've grown ('oh, she's so tall! totally looks like her dad!'). 

Then I realize that I'd never actually met them. 

Anyways, I stood up, my stomach lurching from having to see someone again. I burst the door open and I saw Archie. 

The boy next door. I didn't realize how much I had pushed him away until now. I felt a rush of emotions towards him. But he didn't say anything.

He only came to me, looked down at me, in that same loving way he used, and enveloped me in a hug. He smiled into my hair, and I felt my barriers explode.

I started to cry uncontrollably, everything I'd been holding in suddenly flooding out. I cried, and cried, forgetting the world around me. 

Not gonna lie, it felt good. I breathed in his newly washed clothing smell, his seaside smell. I smiled up at him, through my tears, shaking my head.

"Thank you, Arch," I whispered. He shook his head.

"Thank you for letting me in, Betty." He grinned a little, brown eyes shining in the dim light.

And at that moment, for the first time, I forgot about Jughead.

I forgot about the rest of the world. At that moment, it didn't matter if Archie and I were together or not.

We were there for each other. The way it was supposed to be.

For now, at least, things were calm.

But there was always a calm before a storm. 

omlll i'm so sorry for not updating you guys! ik you were counting on me lmao. but thank you so much for dealing with my hiatus ig. i love you alllll! ok but summer break's started for me so i'll update almost every day for you all. i'm also thinking about a sequel :)))! more on that later. GUYSSSS we're almost at 10k thank you so much i love you all! heartbeats has been an absolute joy to write, and i hope you feel the same way! once again, i love you, and thank you so much for riding with me till the end! <3

~mo