Cache

Chapter 30 ~ Epilogue.

"Are you okay?" The paramedic rushes out as I'm lifted into the back of an ambulance.
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"Are you okay?" The detective questions me as I'm clenching the armrests and taking in the bland clouds around me.
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"Are you okay?" My Mother demands to know while crying and hugging me tightly to her thin body.
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"Are you okay?" My Uncle implores softly, masking his pain while I begin crying.
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"Are you okay?" The judge whispers as the room begins to swell with mumbling while I remain stiff in the firm seat, facing the room.
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"Are you okay?" Oliver weakly manages to ask while attempting to sit up, brushing aside all the tubes connected to him. 
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"Are you okay?" My counsellor interrogates with her sickeningly sweet grin.
The bright wallpaper hurting my eyes.
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"I'm fine." I mumble.
That's all I can say.
It hurts to even say that.
But I deserve this pain, I deserve to suffer for what I have done.

I abandoned her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three Months Later.

"You don't have to do this."
I sigh heavily through my nose and turning away I force my expression to soften before turning back to face my Mother who is leaning against the doorway with a deep frown.

She has aged a lot since the ordeal, her skin is barely stretching over her bones and her limbs which were once graceful are now awkward and gangly as she pulls her oxygen tank trolley up beside her with a groan.

Her blonde hair which still holds its shine has thinned significantly.
This morning during our bonding time as per my counselling agreement I styled her hair which now has slight volume but it is still severely lacking.

She is wearing a dull yellow dress which is only appropriate for the autumn weather because of the white cardigan that is hanging off her shoulders.

It compliments her pale complexion well and I vaguely recall complimenting her on it earlier this morning.

"She won't be alone Ma'am."
Oliver promises by my elbow and I inch a little further to the right, ensuring that not a single part of my body is touching him.

Oliver is being supported by a thick walking stick and underneath his baggy police jumper I know his thick bandages are still suffocating him as he struggles to turn his torso to give my Mother a calming smile.

Rosik managed to shoot Oliver twice, one bullet went straight through the corner of his torso, hitting nothing of importance and was clean.
The other bullet however was able to pierce his ribs, breaking two and was lodged inside him to later be surgically removed.

At first I'm not ashamed to say that I felt no guilt over his injuries.
At first I was even tempted to believe that he deserved what he got for not keeping his deal.

It took me a month to visit him in hospital and to this day I still have yet to thank him for saving me.
I can't bring myself to utter the words, they weren't meant to be said by me.

My cousin should have had that chance.

Now I've reached a stage of indifference as I remain stoic and capturing my Mothers exhausted gaze I pull a smile up and force it to lift my expression.

"I'll be in and out." I promise and before she can say anything further I spin on my heel and quickly begin walking towards the police car, my face dropping the instant I turn.

As I approach the vehicle the tinted windows allow me to view my apparel and I barely allow myself a glance before I drag my gaze to my flats.

I don't want to see my body healing when Dana's might not be.

My figure it back to the way it was, my curves are pronounced however I've stopped wearing tight clothing.
I don't want people to see what I have to offer, I don't want anyone to see me.