LOVE TO HATE YOU

Shapes and outlines of the world...

When I woke up, my eyes hurt and they felt sticky, like someone had poured glue into them. I finally managed to open them ever so slightly after a few painful blinks. Through the small gap between my lashes, the shapes and outlines of the world around me came into soft, blurry focus. Everything looked very white. Too white. I blinked a few times until my eyes finally adjusted.

I tried to sit up, but my head protested with a loud, angry drumming procession. I grabbed it and took a deep breath, willing the excruciating pain away. When the hard thumping finally subsided to a dull grind and my eyes fully adjusted to my surroundings, I noticed where I was: A big, white, bright hospital room-A private one with a lounge and a spare bed. I looked around the room feeling confused. I had no recollection of how I'd gotten here, or what had happened. And there was no one there to explain it to me.

But then it slowly came back to me. My dad. My sister. The fight. The textbook. I reached up and touched my forehead, feeling the rough stitches protruding. The second my fingers came into contact with them; I felt an unbearable, sharp pain that made me instantly nauseous. I closed my eyes again, shutting out all the other stimuli so I could concentrate exclusively on quelling the rising nausea and pushing away the pain rippling through my head and radiating down my neck.

With my eyes closed, more flashes of memory appeared: My mother lying on the floor after my father pushed her. My sister. And Ben. Ben hit my father. I suddenly felt a jolt of panic. Where was my sister? Was she okay? Ben? What had happened after I'd passed out?

I turned as I heard the door open. JJ and Ben walked in carrying coffees. They noticed that I was awake and both rushed over to my bedside looking relieved.

"Oh thank God." JJ said, taking my hand and kissing it. "I was so worried you were going to die."

"Die? What happened to me?" I screeched. I immediately wished I hadn't, because screeching pushed me over the pain threshold once again.

Ben jumped in quickly. "JJ doesn't mean die, die. You're fine, just a minor concussion." He sat down on the other side of the bed and took my hand, kissing it and holding it against his cheek. "You're okay. Everything is going to be okay." His voice was so soothing that I almost believed him. But I knew full well everything was not okay-Not by a long shot.

And then JJ burst into tears, loud wailing tears, "I kept thinking that if you died, you would die angry with me after the fight we had-" Not able to go on, he put his head in his hands dramatically.

"JJ, I'm not dying." I said, then patted him on the head until he looked up at me.

"Are you still angry with me?" he asked looking genuinely worried. "Please say you're not angry with me, or I don't know what I'll do!"

I shook my head, "I was at first. But I'm not anymore."

He sighed, "Thank God!"

"Where's Katie?" I asked when JJ's sniffing had finally stopped-after he'd gone through a handful of tissues.

"She's upstairs with your mother." Ben was stroking my hand and looking at me. He looked tired, like he had been up all night-He probably had.

"What's upstairs?"

"Psychiatric ward."

"What? How did she end up there?" There was clearly a lot I didn't know about last night.

"After your father hit you-"

"Bastard!" JJ quickly cut in. "If I had been there I swear I would have taken him down. Like last time."