Just Like James Dean

But Sometimes Hope Falls Short Too

Expectations.

You never really reach yours or anyone elses. Which is why I find myself constantly asking; why set a goal that we are aware is unreachable? Why put ourselves at such risk - why fall off a cliff knowing where youre going yet expecting to fly mid air?

Castiel had constantly pondered. Ambition, goals, desire.. Theyre all useless after time. Yes theres still sparks of hope deep down no matter how much weight you lay on its surface - though sometimes the weight is too much and it crushes everything beneath.

In this moment Castiel had many weights. He had the loss of the family he never knew - his home, the places he held dear.. Now they were all just a vivid dream - fragments of memeries scattering away the longer he stayed.

He remembered asking if dying would take him back to the start. Back to human life with his family, his home, his... His green.

Yes it may not work and yes this may be a great mistake but if there was just a possibility of a chance he could see his Green again, he would take it at all costs.

He wondered how foolish he was to not go back. Its the right thing to do Gadreel had said.

But when had "the right thing" gotten him anywhere? When had turning himself in done to the universe - The balance?

The whole affair made the angel want to blaspheme in every way imaginable. He wanted to fall and shred the rule book to pieces.

Now he sat at one of the corners from heaven - peering down. Under hid feet he could see the outlines of countries, cities. Whole new civilazations.

And where he once lived, once with a mystery worth solving, there was nothing more but trees and grass and nothing close to the small victorian house with a surrounding white porch and.. green.

Now when he went home - his home - there would be nobody there.

He flew down because there didnt seem a way up.

Blood was pounding against his ears, his heart was trying to climb up through his throat and everything for a couple of seconds felt real.

His wings felt heavy and somehow manage to lose control. He fell widly, thrashing against his trenchcoate as the wind hit his body harshly.

He was falling and his wings wouldnt budge as the air was getting ripped from his vessels lungs.

And he didnt understand, his wings were failing him. It all felt too real. His wings were always there, a part of him. And now they felt none existent.

------

The best way to describe his brother right now, was to see him as a storm. Tearing everything in his path, grabbing at the hospital walls as if his whole body depended on it.

Dean was a storm and there was everything in his way.

"What the fuck do you mean?!"

Were all the words Dean could manage at the time. Sam felt bad for the doctor, knowing Deans rage oh too well and to have it pouring down on you like thunder was never too pretty.

The hospitals hallways felt too hot, too small and Dean was suffocating with every breath.

"Why the fuck cant Cas remember me?!" He growled, losing control with every word.

But Doctor Watson was at a loss of words. He had only been walking by, looking for his damned husband who put his nose everywhere it didnt belong when the young boy confronted him - brows scrunched and a look of malice he had never seen the greatest of villains muster.

"Tell me!!" He growled. "Why wont anyone just tell me!!"

But then his face was contoring, from anger to nausea and From nausea to bliss. He was doubling over, face pale and breathless. Panic ensued rapidly, and as if on auto pilot in seconds Watson was on his knees, next to the panting figure.

Shock/, John knew. Countless times had this happened on the quemo floors. Where the worst of news is always delivered.

"Dean. Dean! Look at me, dont close your eyes, look at me!" Sam shook his shoulders violently while John checked his vitals, knowing the hit he got to the head when he fell over was not

But now everything was double. Two doctors

"Cas - Dean. Cas /needs/ you so open your godamn eyes!"

A small smile spread over his lips at the mention of Cas' nane. As if he forgot the reason why he was currently risking head trauma.

"Sammy.. Cas needs me." He gasped out before deliberatly closing his eyes.

At this point Sam was thrashing his brothers body, having to be manhandled away by Lucifer.

Sam was known for being strong in these kind of situations. After mom, there was no room for a greater loss. No room for bad news in hospital waiting rooms, or goodbyes to cold and pale hands.

But now it was Cas. Cas who gave Sam a school map the first day of school without knowing his name. The Cas who went with Dean to his games and took him out for icecream eve. If they ot teir asses handed to them. The quiet Cas who gave Sam his favorite vinyle and made him promise to not tell Dean he had a heart.

Cas was family - the only family he had left and now he couldnt remember his name.

The stupid annoying Cas that played music too loud and wore too much eyeliner. Cas and his idiot band shirts and stupid fucking cigerettes Sam threw down the toilet one day. Because losing Cas would be like losing Dean and he'ld be dammed if it were to lung cancer.

"Where are my cancer sticks?" he remembered him asking the day Sam stayed over to do homework. "Sam, have you seen them? My cigerettes, I thought I had left them..." but Castiel could see right through him. He dropped his head, preparing himself for the scolding voice his father used to use. Though then there was no movement or any voice while Castiel gave him a knowing look. "I was thinking of switching to nicotine patches anyway."

And now not even his face he remembered. And now Dean was falling apart. Everything was so beautiful and calm and now its just crumbling around them.

[AUTHORS NOTE] SO I AM V SORRY IVE TAKEN SO LONG TO UPDATE AND THAT THIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT BUT I PROMISE TO PUBLISH A VERY LONG AND MORE EMOTIONAL CHAPTER SHORTLY BABES