Just Like James Dean

When Dean Realized He Was Casexual

"Nice room." Dean said making his way around my bedroom. His eyes scanned around, every so often grazing his finger tips over something that caught his interest. Its been almost a year since they had met and I was still not used to him. I wasnt used to the worn band tshirts, or the smell of cheap motel soap infused with nicotine. I wasnt used to the green in his eyes and his bow legged walk. It was too much to take in but not enough all the same. I would never get used to Dean, he wasnt the type one could just walk by down the street without doing a double take. He was just.. Dean.

"Thanks, I uh, decorated it myself. Obviously, because well who else would decorate my own place of living. It isnt in american family customs like in some African tribes as the Iandí in the central region. So it would be ridiculous that someone other than myself would decorate my own room."

Dean looked at the bed headed freak that stood before him. Sometimes Cas talked a little too much and knew about a little too many things. But he was still Cas, his dorky little guy.

"Whats this?" I pointed to a thick old looking book that hid in the top shelf. It seemed to be put meticulously there so no one would see it, making me even more curious to what Cas had tried so hard to hide. I had seen it a couple times when we came from school but never felt interested in it until now, when boredom took over and staring into eachothers eyes just wasnt enough.

Just as he was about to say something I reached for the book and brought it down.

"This where you keep your stash?"

"W-what stash - Dean I havent any idea of what you ar- hey! Dean, pass me that right now."

Dean turned with a playful smirk and said "only if you can catch me."

And thats how the grand cat mouse chase started in Castiels room. They ran in circles for about 3 minutes - sliding and trying their best to not break anything.

"Hey! Dean this isnt fair!" Gasped Castiel while dodging a vinyl collection.

The goosechase didnt stop until Castiel pretented to be hurt and grabbed Dean by the ankle when he came to his assistence. Making Dean fall on the floor and surrenduring to Castiel pleading for mercy when he threatned to tickle his sides.

"That isnt fair! You cheated." Pouted Dean

"Well life isnt fair kid, deal with it." Said Castiel with a wink.

Castiel took the book from Dean grasp and they both layed on their stomachs while Castiel leafed through the pages.

"This is a book my mother used to read. Its about angels in general."

Castiel said while leafing through the pages.

Dean couldnt help but notice how delicate he was everytime he turned the page. Making sure it was rested properly and only grabbing it with his thumb and index finger.

"Is it old?" Dean asked

"Mhm. My mother was fascinated with them, as you can tell by the family names. But she seemed to pass on the hobbie to me, ive read this book countless times and can discuss it for hours."

Castiel leafed gently a couple more pages then stopped. The page had a painting - assuming an angel. Its golden wings rested gently by its sides and held a cup in each hand. The light of its wings seemed to radiate to the rest of its body making the whole creature look gold. It was beautiful.

"This was the angel I was named after. Castiel the angel of Thursday. Its supposed to show some type of guidence for anyone who asks for it on a Thursday."

"I was born on a Thursday." Dean smiled.

Castiels eyes seemed to cloud all of the sudden. His mother was also born on a Thursday and the thought came without a warning. What if he lost Dean? What if death was a merciless creature and grabbed onto him before Castiel could stop it? Castiel tried his hardest to seem like he was still reading when in reality the pang in his chest had made tears form at the corners of his eyes.

God could take anyone or anything from him. Castiel would rather lose the world and his sanity than Dean. Oh god, anyone but Dean.

Dean looked up from the book to Castiel. He still seemed occupied reading and concentrating hard on the small print. Dean felt comftorable here with him. He felt safe. But he knew that everyone that got involved with him either ended up hurt or dead. And he wasnt about to hurt Cas, not ever.

It was strange too. How Cas dug deep into him with such a short period of time. Soon everything revolved around him and his eyes that seemed to have sucked all the blue out of the sky. He knew that this boy was going to be the end of him. And without hesitation Dean would die everyday for him like the moon did for the Sun over and over. He would be good to Cas if he let him, he would be good to him like no one ever was before. He would be good to Cas like Dean wished his father was to him, and never stop even when Cas doesnt want him no more.

Dean knew it wasnt normal to feel things like this for his friend. Was this like imprinting or something? He didnt want to know because knowing would make this end a hell lot faster.

But with one touch Castiel broke it all. Dean contained a gasp from the touch that sent a ripple of effect from the pit of hus stomach to his fingertips.

Yes it was just an innocent grazing of hands and it was probably by accident but when Castiel let his hand gently touch Deans it stopped. His father stopped and so did the yelling.

The responsibilities and stress all came to a halt. His world was peaceful and calm but Dean knew that it was different now, everything in a matter of seconds changed between him and Cas. The light grazing of hands shattered walls inside of Dean that he didnt know were built. This formed constellations and planets with colors he had never seen before. Castiel tore every nerve apart and seeped into his core without slight hesitation and now the blue was like grace. It danced in him and was too much. Now everything for him was the messy bed hair and smudged eyeliner. Castiel now occupied everything in him slowly putting him together like the broken pieces of a mosaic.

Dean was afraid but knew it had been coming. He had heard the engines revving and the colors seeping and tried his damn hardest to ignore it - to ignore all of the happiness and joy that came with it. But Dean knew it since he heard the quote in Masters class that Tuesday afternoon when Cas wore that stupid Buffy shirt to school.

"You fall in love how you fall asleep; slowly than all at once."

And Castiel became my all at once in just moments; fragments of time that he would never forget.

Castiel was his definiton of insanity.