Just Like James Dean

Solace

Dean thought the last time he would be sitting next to a person on their deathbed was with his father. He never thought about anyone else close to him dying, he always thought he would be the first to go. Because not anyone he knows deserves to go through this, especially Cas.

The familiar beeping of machines constantly reminded him that he sat next to a hospital bed - Cas' hospital bed. With his eyes shut tight and something plastic on his finger, he looked like he was just about to slip away anytime. And it wasnt like there was something to remind him he was still in there, no twitch of hands or flutter of eyelids.

And with every breath he took he wondered, how did someone just collapse? How did their heart just decide to stop and slip into a coma? The docters had no explantion, making things more infuriating. Normally when these thoughts came, tears would come also. But it seemed like crying wasnt an option anymore. It only made his head hurt and brain tired, and he'ld be damned if He wasnt the first thing Cas saw when those baby blues opened up. He tightened the grip on Castiels hand, making him know he was there and not going anywhere anytime soon - wherever the dorky, little guy was.

The door swung open behind him, but Dean decided to ignore it. He would ignore everything until he knew Cas was alright.

"He wont be waking up soon. You should go home and get some rest." Came a soft voice with a british accent behind him.

About to give someone a mouthful of how he could take care of himself, Dean turned around but automatically shut it. There stood a nurse with a blanket in her hand, she looked more shy than demanding and honestly Dean felt like he could use another person in here that was at the least conscious.

She walked towards the bed spreading the blankets on Cas, tucking them In around the edges, just how he liked it.

She checked the IVs and moniters and went to turn off one of the big ones, the one making the terrible noise.

"The beeping drives me insane, really. Dont know why we even have those anymore."

She slid a blonde strand behind her ear and sat at the opposite side of the bed. I glanced at the plastic tubes coming from Cas' nose. He would hate the whole affair if he were awake - mumble something about the room being too bright and missing his damn posters that took 2 whole boxes to move.

He would make Dean bring him something sweet too - those honey coated graham bears he never writed without. And Dean would answer the silent request of bringing him a medium coffee with hazelnut cream from across the street. And on the way he would stop by the house to get him his damn eyeliner he couldnt live without, and Cas would ask him what he did to deserve him and Dean would say he asks himself the same thing everymorning.

Deans thoughts were soon interrupted by the nurse, her velvety voice and the care in her tone obvious, and suddenly Dean didnt feel like being angry at the world. Cas wouldnt want that.

"He's going to be okay, he really will." She said, voice sure and strong. Dean only wondered what it would be like if the voices in his head assuring him sounded so sure too. silence falling between them, destroying boundaries Dean had built in the lonliness of this room, to the rythm of the machines.

But suddenly irritated, anger being his only rebound emotion, Dean decided to answer. "Well how do you know that, lady?" His voice didnt sound so angry and commanding as he wanted it to be - more like broken and wrong. "'Cause if those fancy ass docters couldnt gimme answers, sure as hell you cant. So why d'you sound so sure of yourself?"

Rose answered him with a small sigh and a knowing look. She couldnt give him any answers, she had them though remained unable of blurting them out, she was smarter than that.