"I feel like a dick now. I ain't know shit I did make you hate me sometimes. when I hear shit like this I usually just think the person would be better off without me. With you, though you never want that to happen, you rather go through whatever happens hoping things will get better. I respect that, but you gotta' stop doing that. Not just with me in general. If you see something is not working, it doesn't mean you should put yourself out on the line knowing shit may not get better. It seems to me I make you more sad than happy, and I know your mom probably don't fuck with me now, but I just need you to think your head, and not your heart."
Feeling my heart completely drop I knew he was right. Completely right.
When I love someone I love hard, and having my heart broken again was not what I wanted to be happening.
Leaving the message alone I knew I couldn't be his friend, and he knew that. Which is exactly why he told me to think with my mind instead of my heart.
I had an appointment with my therapist today, and lunch with Shyan. I knew she was trying to get everyone together, but I wasn't looking forward to it.
Popping a pain reliever in my mouth I took a swig of the water bottle swallowing it all together.
Heading in the bathroom closing the door, I made sure my music was playing on the speaker before I went in the warm water. Not wanting to waste any time today I took a quick shower getting out and dressing fast.
Today was Friday, and since school was in the third quarter it was a tradition that seniors had Monday and Friday off.
-
"But you're angry."
"Of course I am. He was there for me, yes I understand he isn't perfect, but I'm not either. This bitch comes in, and then now he ain't ready to be my nigga. Fuck outta' here." I growled letting it all out.
I realized I wasn't sad about this anymore, I was angry and I needed to figure out how I dealt with it. Times like this I would get my pussy ate, but I was done using people for now.
I was done fighting and arguing.
"You should be angry, you have every right to be. He took what you valued mo-"
"I'm not angry I gave him my virginity Keyshawn deserved it, but whoever this new person is I don't know."
Writing something in his notepad, I sighed knowing everything was being recorded.
"You know what hurts. I try my best all the time. I just never seem to be good enough. Everything I do is never good enough. I've tried to hurt myself so many times in the past. I remember when I was younger and I would go to my grandma's house she would be so sweet to me, and as I got older it was like I did something to her. Like I did something to everyone. My grandma would call me a bitch, and other family members." Fiddling with my fingers I took a deep breath.
"Take your time."
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