Bitter ⇒ zayn malik [au]

xxiii.

•twenty-three•

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His muscles exasperatingly ached to hold her in his arms. The cry from his burning fingertips to touch her skin one last time, was more than a man should have to bear. Zayn locked himself in his room, barely leaving to eat—he grew thin. It had been two weeks. Two weeks since he heard the dainty tone of her voice. Two weeks since he had the pleasure of kissing her soft, yet slightly chapped lips. Two weeks.

It was nearly Christmas, popularly known as Ellie’s favorite time of year. But she wouldn’t be there to shop for gifts or have the leisure to attend social gatherings. Ellie was in an isolated room, alone with thoughts and the demons that rose from the grave to greet her each night. Her heartstrings tediously twinged to see Zayn. To see how the part in his hair looked or if he had decided to shave the light scruff that approached his jawline’s surface. She didn’t have time to pack a picture of Zayn or his sent. She had nothing and felt like nothing.

“I’m worried about him, Niall. I’m his—was his best mate and I only wanted what was best for his girl. . .  I know I have no one else to blame but myself here, and I know I shouldn’t have done what I did and I’m sorry,” Louis’ words struggled to come through his vocal chords and he fought the emotion rising up the back of his throat. He was on speakerphone with Niall.

“You shouldn’t be tellin’ me this, you should be sayin’ all this to Zayn. He hates me, I know he does. And so long as my name is Niall Horan, I know Ellie hates me even more. I agree too, we fucked up thinking it was a good decision, but it wasn’t. We can only move forward, not back,” he spoke softly.

Louis shook his head, approving of all the things Niall had mentioned, “You’re right, Niall. I’m going to try and make amends with the lad, make him his favorite meal. I know he hasn’t eaten dinner as yet, or anything at that.”

“Yeah, and when I get down there for Christmas break, I’ll do the same with Ellie and him. Talk to you soon and tell me how it went, he’ll forgive you,” Niall ended.

Louis sighed already feeling defeated, “Alright, will do mate, thanks.”

It was as if Louis was a stranger to Zayn and had no recollection of the good he bestowed. “What do you want,” Zayn’s icy tone cut through the room’s thick silence, as Louis entered the room.

“I just, came to see how you were do—,”

“How do you think I’m doing Louis? You shipped my girlfriend off and said not a word about anything you were planning!” He hurled himself out of bed from under his covers, standing in the face of Louis.

Louis took a cautious step back creating an invisible barrier between the two, “I’m sorry, okay? I wanted what was best for her.”

Zayn laughed, loudly, uncontrollably, sinisterly, “You wanted what was best for her? That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard because, correct me if I’m wrong, I am her boyfriend.”

“Don’t you think I know that Zayn? You were too busy being locked in by love to see what was going on with her,” he began to pace the floor attempting to gather his thoughts before they spilled from his lips. “Then, out of the blue, you’d be blaming and screaming at everyone because they killed your Evelyn!”

Evelyn was Louis’ previous girlfriend. His girlfriend who took the breath of her life in the palms of her hands.

Louis recognized his confrontations and swallowed harshly as if he were trying to toss his already spoken words down his windpipe. “I’m sorry, Zayn,” he wasn’t only apologizing for his present actions but his past as well.  

“Louis, I completely understand you and you shouldn’t feel the need to blame yourself for what Evelyn has done. I know you were the greatest thing to happen to her, but Ellie is not your Evelyn—she’s mine.” Zayn sat on his bed, after Louis quietly left, making an effort to process what emotion he should allow himself to feel.

+

She was alone and was only exposed to the four corners of her room, or “holding cell”— as Ellie called it. This referred her mind to the remembrance of boarding school in her adolescence. Ellie was told what time to go to bed, when to wake up and when to eat. Albeit she abided by the rules, she never committed to them and wouldn't start now. The girl incessantly found herself awake after lights out, or slipping the food in the trash when the advisor happened to glance away for the slightest moment.

 “Ms. Ellie, it’s time for lunch, they’re serving your favorite! It’s Shrimp Alfredo,” the elderly woman spoke with a wide grin, only to receive a small toss of the head from Ellie in return.

In the rehabilitation, the only form of connection the advisors, therapists or doctors had with patients, were the lists of likes and dislikes they had been given by the legal guardian.

Ellie halted the lady before she whisked herself away, “Aren’t I allowed one phone-call while I’m in here?”

“You are my dear and this is no prison, don’t relate to it as one either,” she said as sternly as she could, adhering to her Working Contract.

“Okay,” arising out of her bed, Ellie slid on the bedroom slippers provided and glanced down staring at the floor-length jean dress which adorned her unflatteringly, “Show me where to, I know my calls have to be supervised.”

The walk down a long corridor with no windows was oddly tense and silent. Ellie stopped suddenly, turning to the senior with a beseeching look in her eyes, “Can you please just give me five minutes, so I can have some alone time… please?”

The old dame didn’t respond, she hesitated then began to turn away faintly. With an inhale and a large exhale, Ellie gazed at the telephone before her and instantaneously dialed the number. It took only two rings before someone picked up, “Hello?” it was Louis’ voice.

He repeated himself once more in wander of who had called, she finally responded, “Hi, uh, Louis? Can I speak to Zayn please?” Her voice was already fragile, almost on the verge of cracking.

“Yes,” Louis hadn’t a clue as what to say, it felt like an eternity since the last time he heard the girls’ voice. He understood that the situation she was currently in was ultimately all his fault and couldn’t formulate some explanation why he had done what he did.

Louis jutted out his hand to give Zayn the plain silver phone, mouthing the name “Ellie.” Zayn messily accepted the phone expeditiously, tearing up, “Ellie, is that you?”

“Zayn,” she felt like all the wind was knocked out her body once she heard the familiar sound of his voice. It was thicker, and it was filled with murkiness. “I’ve missed you,” she said after regaining her composure and equanimity. Ellie tried her hardest not to vividly display tears, due to the attention it would draw as she knew the lady who guided her there would be close by.

“I love you so much Ellie, you know that, right? I will do everything I can, I want to see you again—I will see you again,” Zayn was barely able to get his words out and failed at his attempt to shed no tears.

Ellie shook her head looking down, “Please don’t do this Zayn, don’t make a promise like that and for God’s sake don’t cry. They can hear. I’m okay, I am okay.”

She was not okay.

+++++

I understand if anyone wants to punch me in the face, don’t even remind me how long it’s been. Well, if you liked it tell me your opinions you know? Yeah, I suck but all of you are amazing. I'm so nervous about posting this, but okay. I'v literally read over this a hundred times. I STILL HAVE A HARRY AND LIAM STORY SO CHECK THOSE  OUT I WILL UPDATE TONIGHT!!!

sotc: Please Don't Stop // Carina Round (this song is so sad but listen to it on the side)

Dedicated to: all of youse bc people still read this (i think) and comment :) and i love you nsfwhaz read her stuff <3