To Break Her Heart

Chapter 40 ~ "Okay, let's talk."

A/N: hey, so it's literally been over two years with literally only one chapter and the epilogue left. only i would do something like that smh. i'll be honest, i quickly reread it so i'd remember what was happening, but i'm still kinda unsure what i had originally planned for the end lol. i'm so sorry, i don't know if anyone is still reading this but if you are, hi! ily! and this story is finally over lmaooo just the epilogue now so i'll post that soon after this once i'm done writing it. i hope you're not too mad about the ending, but there will still be an epilogue so don't worry! love you<3

Chapter 40: "Okay, let's talk."

"I don't know what to say," Dad said.

My mouth opened and closed and opened again, and my breathing was getting rapidly faster and heavier. I didn't know what to say either. I couldn't say anything. I physically couldn't get the words out.

"Babes, are you oka-" Luke's voice abruptly cut off. "Whoa. What?"

My dad looked a million times more old and grey than he was the last time I saw him, but all I could see was someone who abandoned me at a time when I needed him the most. "Jordan," he said, and then sighed.

My body was trembling so hard and fast that I could hear my teeth chattering. I so badly wanted to run away but I felt frozen in place, like someone had glued my feet to the floor and my arms to my sides. My mind kept repeating oh God, oh God, oh God over and over and over again. "L-L-Lu-" I was trying to say Luke's name. I blinked, and could feel tears flowing down my face without my permission.

"Beautiful," Luke said, in a slightly panicked voice. I felt his hands on my shoulders and he turned me around to face him. I used practically all of my willpower to look up at him, and he used one hand to wipe the tears off my face. I leant my face into his hand and breathed in. His presence had an almost immediate calming effect on me. "Breathe, baby," he said quietly. "In, out, in, out." I matched my breathing to the tempo of his words, and very slowly I felt my shaking simmer down.

What just happened to me? My heart was still rocketing around in my chest as I closed my eyes and leant against Luke's chest, trying to untangle my thoughts.

He pulled me closer and said, "Jordan, go upstairs, okay?"

I nodded into his chest, because I really couldn't imagine saying a single word. I couldn't imagine looking that old man in the face and communicating anything at all to him without this same exact thing happening to me again. It was like my mind was in a standstill even though my body was in fight or flight mode.

"Wait, Jordan-" I could vaguely hear my dad say, but I ignored it and ran to my room. I could hear voices floating from downstairs, so I jumped into bed and buried my head under my pillow, smashing my hands against my ears so I wouldn't be able to hear anything but my own thoughts.

This couldn't be happening. This wasn't happening to me right now. I've had this buried deep down within me for so many months, and I did not want to face it. I didn't feel like I actually could face it without having another breakdown.

I could feel my hands start to shake again. What was I supposed to do now? There was nothing I had done emotionally or mentally to prepare for this. Couldn't I just let Seth deal with it? He was the adult here. I didn't have to worry about anything, right?

Right?

That wasn't the case, and I knew that.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't feel the bed dip beside me until Luke's face was right next to mine. "Hey there," he said softly. "He's gone, for now."