To Break Her Heart

Chapter 27 ~ "You're allowed to cry, okay?"

Chapter 27: "You're allowed to cry, okay?"

"Do you want to see your brother?" Dr Gifford asked gently, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I glanced behind me at Mum's still body that a few nurses were cleaning up. What was I going to do? If they tried to contact my father, they'd find out he was gone. And what would they do with me and the baby?

I brought my attention back to Dr Gifford and shrugged his hand off of me. I didn't want to be touched. I didn't want to be spoken to. I didn't want to see anybody. I opened my mouth to answer, but Luke beat me to it.

"Yes. She does," he said firmly.

I pierced him with my eyes. What gave him the right to put words in my mouth? "Luke," I tried to interrupt, but he ignored me and took my hand.

My hand was hot and stained with the tears I'd wiped away, but he clenched it tightly like he was the one needing comfort. I kept my eyes trained on his big, strong hand and the safety I felt with him walking so close next to me.

Because our hands were intertwined, he felt when I began shaking with a renewed onslaught of tears.

How was I going to live with no parents and a newborn baby? How could I manage?

My whole body began to shake and I stopped walking. "Beautiful?" he said unsurely.

I shook my head at Luke and ripped my hand from his grasp. My hands came to grab my forehead and my knees gave out. It was cold. Why was it cold? I shivered and rocked back and forth.

Why was my face wet? What was happening? Why was everyone staring at me?

I wanted to go home. I wanted my mother. I didn't want to see some new baby that probably destroyed my life. My shaking abruptly stopped and I forced my hands to release. My tears stopped and I stood up.

I was selfish. Everything I was thinking about was me, me, me. I was a horrible person. I hated myself.

Stop it, Danny. Stop.

"Beautiful, beautiful, look at me," Luke said, cupping my face in his hands. I looked and all I saw was concern in his pretty hazel eyes. My own eyes were wide and shiny with the tears I forced back. "Stop it, Jordan. Stop it this instant."

"Stop what?" I croaked, trying to move away, but his hands were like vices around my face.

"You're allowed to feel sad, Danny. You're allowed to cry, okay? It's not selfish to wish your mum never got pregnant! Let it go! I'm here for you, I always will be, so stop pushing me away! Stop it!"

"H-how do I know that you won't l-leave me?" I whispered, in a quiet tone so that Dr Gifford wouldn't see me any weaker than he already has.

Luke moved his hands from my face to my shoulders and stared at me so intently and so seriously that I began to feel myself melt towards him. "When have I ever left you?" he whispered back.

I blinked. And I thought. And I thought and I scrunched my nose and thought some more. As I wracked my brain, a slow, soft smile came on my face. "You never have," I replied. "You've never left me."

At the sight of my happiness, he grinned widely and leant forward so that our noses were touching. My breathing hitched at the sight of him so close and I breathed in and out slowly and steadily to put on the appearance that his closeness wasn't affecting me as much as he'd like. When he spoke, his lips were literally millimetres from mine. "And I never will," he breathed.