Conflation (Beginner's Luck Award)

56%

Vemod (n.) a tender sadness or pensive melancholy ; the calm feeling that something emotionally significant is over and never will be back.

they didn’t talk that much anymore.

even so, they still tried talking casually every time they managed to pass decent messages to each other. but there was just something that changed between the two of them. it was now too different. excruciatingly way different.

hours could even pass by before someone replies; a week could pass by without anyone starting the conversation.

they ran out of topics.

"what’s up" and "hey’s" were numerously exchanged. but it seemed that the lights had already been flickered off; already long gone.

there seemed to have more spaces for topics they couldn’t fill; empty spaces that once made up a virtual place where they only knew. it seemed to have lost by now, fading and fading like a fog when the burning and blazing sun finally sets in.

July 27

2:56 pm [England]

9:56 pm [Asia]

Him: Hey, what are you up to?

Her: Oh nothing much.

12:51 am [Asia]

Him: oh okay

it was the time where it seemed that the conversations weren’t as ongoing anymore. they weren’t as strong. they were as stagnant as a water that’s slowly drying.

but even so, they tried saving the friendship subconsciously and almost consciously.

August 15

LukeWebster logged on.

*scrolls through online list*

serendipity is offline.

*jaw clenches*

*sighs*

LukeWebster logged off.

but they were catching up to each other with their worlds separate,

with their worlds apart,

and no matter how hard they ran,

how hard they caught up,

they seemed to have failed.

September 1

serendipity logged on

LukeWebster is offline.

serendipity: Hey I know it’s been a week but I just wanted to say h- *erases*

*stares at the screen way too long*

*attempts to type again*

*stops*

*sighs*

serendipity logged off.

they could feel the thing that once conflated them was now slowly slipping out of their grasp.

the tapping of the keyboards wasn’t rapid sounding anymore. the beeping sound coming out of their respective laptop’s speakers wasn’t too angelic to their own ears anymore. they just sounded like an old hum, a hum that reminded them of the nostalgia for what never was.

September 13

serendipity is online.

LukeWebster is online.

and somehow along the way, they knew she wasn’t serendipity to him and he wasn’t Luke to her anymore.

[no new messages]

they were just merely and plainly Celestine and Vince.

until one day,

it just stopped.

neither of them know who did it first; who stopped talking; who stopped initiating a conversation; who thought it was all enough.

and it just kind of ended there.

without heartfelt goodbyes.

just a bunch of broken plans and promises.

no one even knew who was hung up for far too long or how long they were hung up or if there was anyone who was still hung up.

no one wouldn’t know.

the only thing that mattered now - even if it hurt - was the idea that they were both alive and progressing in their respective lives; even when they were no longer in each other's.

sure, they could still see one’s pieces in the back of their minds (the old ones that got stuck under their subconscious) and nostalgia could get too nauseous, the desire for what could have been could stab like a silver knife at some point and these two identities or persons didn't seem like a single identity anymore and their conflation was now solemnly ended with a virtual period and the pain was still there, lingering somewhere in their respective minds and bodies - but one way or another, we'd need to accept that some things just have their own inevitable. either an abrupt or slow one; violent or silent one; temporary or permanent one; or one that is provoked intentionally or unintentionally.

every thing has to have their own inevitable ending.

and somehow, behind all these, they still managed to move. to continue with their own lives, subconsciously carrying every part of the other that rubbed off on them.

                                        ✫    ✫         ✫         ✫         ✫

a/n: "And all of the things that we once said,
they're not in my heart, they're in my head
That was the time to say goodbye
Let's put it to rest yeah, let it die"

anddddd it's over. we made it, love.

this is kind of the end. because incidentally, i did kind of mention about posting an exclusive epilogue. though now i think there won't be one anymore. idk. (maybe one day i'll make one. hopefully.) but not a sequel anymore. for those who have read this note before, i'm very sorry for getting your hopes up i'm so sorry. it's just that i think conflation shouldn't have a sequel. because the sequel would make it quite unrealistic and i don't want that.

on the other hand, i just want to thank you all for all these hypothalamus-blowing support.

and always remember: i fucking adore you all.

ps: dedicated to the wonderful dis_connected for the banners she made. that is the other one :)

pps: until next time (or next update...whatever) adios!