Conflation (Beginner's Luck Award)

53%

“Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water”

– Other Side of The World by KT Tunstall

8 days came.

2 weeks passed.

and just like waking up in an unexpected nap, it had been more than 3 weeks.

3 weeks of unread messages and Luke’s enigmatic absence.

and of course, you could already imagine the side effects to Celestine:

she waited.

and waited.

and waited.

she did it almost unconsciously.

but he never came.

"is he sick?"

"did his internet service stop working?"

"did something happen?"

"did a relative pass away?"

"was there an accident?"

"is he on comatose? oh god no please."

she confusedly wondered, profusely asked herself what the hell could probably happen to him and if she even said something infandous.

she'd always find herself:

1.) ritually opens her inbox

2.) checks if he had already read her messages

3.) sees nothing has changed

4.) goes back to his profile

5.) and continues waiting for him but eventually feels guilty for being such a stalker.

she was not doing it just for the sake of the delayed reply anymore.

she found herself doing it because it was Luke.

but it seemed to her that she was just wasting her time,

waiting for someone who’d never seem to come back.

but in the back of her pissed off mind, she still hoped that he’d come online and tell her he’s sorry for not replying for whatever reason it might be.

but then school came.

and it’d be the first thing that would steal her away from the internet.

*

over the first week of her classes, every time she would go home from the university, she’d march hurriedly from their driveway to her room, grab her laptop and open conflation, hopefully wishing he has replied already.

but it’d always be the same.

it was like there was this knife that stabbed her every time she saw nothing had arrived. it hurt for some inexplicable reason.

subconsciously, she eventually grew tired of it without even wanting so.

hurting from a very lame unrequited internet friendship was becoming unhealthy especially when you know you could do nothing about it.

so, she stopped and tried focusing on her studies instead.

bunch of home works and exams had been violently thrown at her at the time, coincidentally.

one time, she was chewing her pencil while thinking of the enigmatic ways to finish her homework when flashbacks of their old conversations mockingly popped in her head.

*flashback*

LukeWebster: If you don’t want your course then why did you choose to take it up?

serendipity: I am terrible at decision making.

LukeWebster: Well then why not correct that terrible mistake and stop doing what you don't want and start doing what you really want?

she remembered that.

she remembered being taken aback by his reply - not because his advice was mind-blowing.

overused saying didn't mind-blow her.

but because it was unusual for Luke to give an (overused) advice.

she remembered chuckling at that.

but for some reason, she found herself thinking about it.

until it left her speechless.

and before she knew it, another conversation overlapped the former flashback in her mind.

 *flashback*

serendipity: Fuck.  It’s like I’m getting bad again.

LukeWebster: I advise you not to think about it. Stop overanalyzing yourself.

serendipity: I’m not sure though.

LukeWebster: You know. People who indulge themselves into something they aren’t sure about are being lame.

serendipity: Thanks.

LukeWebster: Excuse me? LukeWebster doesn't accept sarcasm.

serendipity: I'll keep being sarcastic then.

LukeWebster: Should I roll my eyes?

serendipity: Should you?

LukeWebster: Should I?

serendipity: Okay, stop.

LukeWebster: Haha. XD Hey don’t worry. I’m always here to distract you from your demons.

her smile then switched to a sad one.

had he stopped?

*flashback*

serendipity: although I hate to remind people that they’re getting older, I still wanted to greet you hApPy bIrThDaY!

LukeWebster: although I hate thanking people for doing something they hate for me, I’d still say tHAnK YoU.

serendipity: Fuck it, that’s friendship!

LukeWebster: Fuck it too, I agree.

and for the unbelievably millionth time, she found herself wondering about the guy who told her that people are lame for indulging into something they aren’t sure about.

the guy who proved (to her) that people who meet virtually could either help or destroy a person.

and in some miraculous instances, these people could really be conflated to form a whole – friendship.

and that’s why it pained her, that the only person she had ever told about her real self and the person who accompanied her in those soli'tudinous days, suddenly disappeared.

 a/n: so i've decided to just upload this shit and stop being a perfectionist. i don't care anymore. sometimes it just takes 10 seconds of bravery for me to stop procrastinating.

btw! :D dedicated to Casimir Devon (@unreserved) for being a strong one. i'm so proud of you, beautiful!

(tell me i didn't just do the sign of the cross before clicking "save & publish")