Secrets Left Neglected

Chapter 51

Tadhg

Caoilainn holds my hand as we walk towards her car. The sound of music dances in the background as we leave the wedding behind. Someone has just turned on some twinkle lights and they sway gently in the quiet breeze sweeping across the yards.

Jenny looked beautiful and I'm glad I was able to come today. My head's starting to hurt, however, and so we're leaving before I embarrass myself.

I'm not sure what's going on with me today. I've had a minor headache on and off all day. Since I woke up, I've felt a little off balance.

I asked Caoilainn to leave once the toast to the bride and groom commenced. I would have loved to talk to Walker afterwards, but with the way I'm feeling, I'll just be happy to get to our car and sit down.

I feel so tired right now.

"You ok, Tadhg?" Caoilainn asks, turning to look at me. I can't make out the face she's giving me. I wonder what she's thinking. It's hard to tell.

I sigh under my breath. One more thing I'm no longer good at. Used to be I could look at someone and read them like a book. Heck, any bartender worth his salt can do that. But now? Well, let's just say I ain't like I used to be.

Walking across the grass I trip over a tree root and almost stumble to the ground. "Ouch! Shit! Fucking tree! Damn pain in the ass roots!" I curse in vulgar abandon not realizing what I've done.

"Shhh, Tadhg," Caoilainn whispers to me urgently. "Someone will hear us. You're being loud."

"I am not!" I correct her. How dare she chastise me like I'm a child! As I open my mouth to speak, and give Caoilainn a piece of my damn mind, I notice the red stop sign bracelet on my wrist. The one attached to the hand I'm holding onto Caoilainn with. "Oh yeah", I think to myself, inhaling extra oxygen. "I have to remember to stop myself."

At the sight of the bracelet the sound of my therapist's voice echoes in my mind, "Before you speak, Tadhg, stop yourself and count to ten. Take a deep breath. Think about why you feel like you do. Afterwards if you still feel you should say what you were going to say then try to do so calmly."

I close my eyes and try to concentrate. Patience hasn't been my strong suit lately. My bracelet's been a good visual reminder of the need to stop and think before I speak.

"I don't like when you tell me what to do, Caoilainn," I say quietly to her. "I'm a grown man and when you shush me it makes me feel like a kid."

Caoilainn stops in her tracks and turns to look at me. She looks at my eyes and then reaches to hold my lingering left hand with hers. "Ok," she says. "I understand. You're right, Tadhg. We can work together on this. I love you, Tadhg," she says while squeezing my hand gently.

"Come on, let's get into the car. We'll get home and order ourselves a pizza. If your head is still bothering you when we get there I can massage your temples with some peppermint and lavender oil. I have a nice stash of some essential oils at home we can use.

There's a good movie on TV tonight, too. What do you say we wrap ourselves up on the couch? I'll light the fireplace, and we can watch TV together over a bottle of sparkling apple cider."

"Sparkling apple cider, huh?" I ask her.

"With the seizure medication and all I just thought..." she trails off.

It's not the best but it'll have to do. I shake my head 'yes' at her.

I reach up and push some stray wisps of her hair behind her right ear. "I'd like that."

I lean forward and kiss Caoilainn before we turn and begin to walk towards the car again.

My gait has gotten better lately and I'm not having as much trouble as I was before. Just as I step forward with my right leg, however, I begin to feel something off near the bottom of my body. I'm not sure what it is, but it's making me feel off kilter. "Caoilainn," I call out in contained alarm. "Something's not right, my...something...uh...my body. Something's not..."

I don't remember if I said anything else. All of a sudden the ground rushes up towards me at an alarming rate. On the way down, I think I see the side of our car in my periphery but I can't be sure. The last thing I hear is Caoilainn's voice yelling in the background.