The day we had each other again (Book3) <Completed> ~Not Edited~

Prologue

Now I am back living with Jack
But why do I feel so empty inside?
I feel there's something missing in my life.
As if something is broken and I have to fix it?
How can I fix it?
If your not the one running on my mind.
What can I do?
I love Jaze but I also love Jack
But I cannot love them both I know that.
But I said I will give Jack another chance to love me?
What's wrong with me?
And why am I being this way?
I cannot find words to say to describe my thoughts and feelings.
I don't know anymore.
Why am I being this way?  Why am I acting like this?
I have left the one who loved me so much for the man I love but doesn't love me.
I'm stupid I know I don't know anything.
I'm a fool to believe that the man I had loved me doesn't love me at all. Because he loves someone else other than me.

But why did I gave him another chance?
I don't know and I'm not sure.
Maybe I want to know the real reason for him for leaving me.
But why does it have to this way?
Why is it so hard to trust him it's me living with him.

It's hard seeing his face.
Because I might get fooled again.
I don't want to trust him any longer.
Because he had broken my trust once. And I don't want to be hurt again by trusting that he will love me.
Because I don't want the way I was before.
I don't like him leaving me.
On the day that he left without saying a word or explanation rather.
From that day I decided not to love him anymore.
Because he caused me so much pain and suffering when he left me.
I was a fool back then.
But now I'm a bigger fool to believe him again.
I don't know really what's wrong with me.
Am I crazy to think that he will change just for me?

I don't think so?

Cause I know him very well.
And he will not change that easily.
Because I know that we grew apart from each other.
But why do I love him?
After he had hurt me so?
I can't hide my feelings anymore for him.
But I'll admit I had loved him.
But does he love me?

I had got over him with the help of the man who loves me.
He showed me the love I have never felt before.
He loves me even though I don't love him that much.
But I already did.
For the first time, I can be happy again.
But how can I if the past haunts me still.
I can't sleep at night because of that.
But now I'm going to fix this by going back to him to clear out my thoughts.

I think I'm regretting this.
But I have to do it.
To find out if he still loves me truly.
I'm not going to let him hurt me again.
He gave me so much pain, sadness, suffering, agony when he left.
But now I won't let my guard down.
I won't let him fool me again.
I won't let him hurt me again.
I'm not going to let me get fool by his lies again.

This time if he leaves me again
I'm not going to go back to him.
Yes I had loved him before
But now I am loving him again.
But it's just temporary.
I'll have to figure out if he loves me truly with no lies attached.

For me to happy and contented
But I still don't understand why did I love him before?

Maybe he has loved me but that love slowly faded away.
When he left me.
It's been so long already.
But why am I still hurting?
Why am I still affected?
I don't know maybe I still had little feelings for him. But other than that I don't know.
Because I can't sort out my thoughts.
I don't like to be hurt again
I don't want that to happen again
Because it hurts too much by remembering.
That you loved him.
But he did not cherish you.
Instead, he abandoned you.
If he can love me the way he used to before
Then maybe I can love him again.
If he can prove he loves me like the way it used to.
Then so be it.
But if he cannot do it
So be it.
I'll be one leaving him and never come back.

I'll go back to the one who always cherishes me and loves me for who I am and be with him instead.

If he cannot love me like the way he used to do like before.
Now he wants me to be with him once again.
And I agreed to it.
But why do I feel so lifeless
I can't breathe very well cause I know that I will again experience being hurt again.
But why did I choose this?
Because maybe I wanted to know is there another reason of him leaving me?
Why he acted that way?
Why did he suddenly changed?
And why did we slowly drift away.
I don't know what his reason is?
But he said he still loves me.
Should I believe in him?
I want to but my mind is telling me not to.
Because I will be hurt all over again and I don't want to experience it again.
But but my heart wants me to give him a second chance because I know in my heart that I still love him.
Even though he had hurt me so.
But I have someone loving me now and I know I also love him.
Because he proved everything just to love me.
And he doesn't mind getting hurt because of me.
He really loves me
I know that.
But why can't I see it?
Why can't I see that he love me very much.
I know he loves me so very much
But why oh why can't I love him like the way I used to.
Maybe because I'm still hung up on Jack until now and I cannot get over him.
But I already loved him
Because I love him and I had to let him go.
Even if it pains me to do it.
I don't want to let him go
But I must do it.
I know he says he's happy just loving me but I can't bear to see him because becoming sad because of me.
I must let him go
Even if I don't want to.
It's hurting my heart to do this to him.
But I'm sure he'll understand because I told him from the start that I don't love him.
But that changed because he showed me that he loves me so much more.