All of this past

Talking

I had a realy hard time trying to get my spaghetti around my fork and into mouth as Liam kept on asking if I was sure I wanted to eat that. I kept on giggling, partly due to the 6 beers I had at the time. I always used to do that to him when my food was already long gone and he was still eating, in the end he would give up and shove his plate my way, getting some toast or something for himself if he was still hungry.

"Liam, shut up! Yes I want to eat it, but I'm going to shove it in your shirt if you keep going on like that!"

"It's only fair I take revenge after all these years, don't you think?"

"True." I admitted, still chuckling lightly as I finally managed to get another bite into my mouth.

"Are you happy Haz?" I was taken by surprise by his question, not expecting such a serious turn of the conversation after the laughing and reminiscing about silly memories.

I thought about it. "Yeah. I am. I won't say I don't regret how some things in my life went, but after all, yes, I'm happy."

"What would you change if you could?"

"Apart from us breaking up? I'd make myself realise sooner that Emily and I weren't meant to be, so I would maybe have a chance to find someone else, and to have kids."

"Do you ever feel lonely?" his eyes were fixed on my face, staring intently while I finished my meal. He had switched to mineral water, insisting he couldn't drink any alcohol because he was driving. I had smirked and teased him with it, saying he always had to be the responsible one, but secretly I admired him for it. He had it together, even if it was ripped apart by David passing away. 

"Not as long as I'm performing, or when I'm tired from performing. And most of the time when I'm around my family. But when I come home and there's only two cats to keep me company, and nothing else to eat but a frozen lasagne? Or when it's Christmas or New Years eve and everyone else has someone to share with? Yeah, I feel lonely."

He nodded, a dreamy look in his eyes. "David got us Christmas presents last Christmas. It was really weird to get them in the mail. He got the kids a games console, they had been nagging us about it for ages, but David never wanted them to have one. He said it was antisocial and they already spent enough time on their computers. In the end, I didn't even care, every minute they kept to themselves was a minute I could spend with David. Selfish, isn't it?"

I put my hand on his, causing him to look me in the eyes as I shook my head. "It's not selfish Li."

"Well, whatever, David still didn't want one, so they didn't get one. And after his death, I was happy to have them around as much as possible, keeping me busy and distracted. And now they have one, they hardly ever use it."

"What did he get for you?"

He let out a breathy chuckle. "A new winter coat I'd seen the year before but I didn't want to buy it because it was really expensive, and we needed all of our money for his treatment. I think I was more angry than happy when I unwrapped it. And then I didn't want to wear it all winter because he had bought it for me. It was bad enough that his scent had been long gone from the sheets and his clothes, so I didn't want this to be ruined too."

"A scent wears off sooner than you think, doesn't it?" I replied, causing him to look up at me, surprised.

"You never wondered what happened to your black Fruit of the Loom hoodie? The one you always wore when we stayed in to watch TV."

"Yeah! It was my favourite! I figured I must've lost it with moving?"

"I might've stolen it. It wasn't on purpose, somehow it got into my bag of clothes, and I just didn't want to give it back when I found it. I wore it for three days straight, but then I got scared it would start to smell of me instead of you, so I just used it as a cuddle blanket. But after a few weeks, it smelled just like everything else in my room." 

He smiled shyly. "I might've kept your Calvin&Hobbes boxers. And wore them until they were so worn out they didn't really qualify as underpants anymore."

"My lucky rocketship boxers? I knew I must've forgotten them! I made mum buy me a new pair though. I needed them!"

"Oh God Harry, don't remind me of how I needed to pull them out of your hands if they needed to be washed. You would've worn them for a week without washing. You were so gross sometimes."

"Well at least I wasn't the one who ordened our CD's alphabetically!" I retorted, trying to win this while I knew I couldn't. 

"At least I didn't smell like a homeless man because of that."

"I didn't! It wasn't that bad!"

He chuckled, finishing his drink and suppressing a yawn.

"I missed you Liam." I looked into his warm brown eyes and longed to find that same love that used to lie in them. It was something else that shone from them, something I couldn't lay my finger upon.

"I missed you too Harry. I really did. But I should be heading home, it's late and I've got to go watch Sam's football match tomorrow. He's terrible at it, but at least he likes it."

I nodded, ignoring the sad feeling that shot through me at the tought of him leaving already.

"Do you want me to drop you off somewhere?"

"You don't have to, it would be a detour. I can take a taxi or something."

"Don't be silly, come on, I'll get you home."

He got up and pulled his coat on, searching his pockets for money to pay for his drinks.

"Leave it Liam, I've got it. Consider it money for your gas or something."

I signalled the waitress to come over and paid our bill, pulling on my own coat while she got me my change. I was happy it was a chilly night, giving me an excuse to bury my hands in the pockets of my coat so I didn't have to keep myself from touching him the entire time. I'm just a touchy feely guy, okay?

The drive to my house was silent, Damien Rice playing in the background, only being disturbed by my directions. It took us a little under half an hour to get there, and I was sorry when we drove up my street. He stopped in front of my house and turned the motor off.

I hesitated for a few seconds if I should ask him to come inside, but finally decided against it. 

"I really had a great time tonight Liam. We should do it again."

"Yes, me too."

"Call me soon? I'm not playing as many gigs at the moment and I'm not going into the studio for at least three more months."

"I will Haz. Thanks for tonight. I'll send you a text with my number, so you can call me if you think I wait to long."

I smiled and leaned in to hug him and press a lingering kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks for coming tonight." I whispered before pulling back and getting out of the car, turning around once I unlocked my front door to wave at him and watch how his car turned the corner.