Dear Diary

14th August 2014

Sorry that I've not updated this in months, and I know a lot of you have been concerned about my welfare since I've not been on here a lot but have received so many messages.

First of all, I want to say thanks to everyone who has because I really appreciate it!

One of the reasons why I haven't updated is because my internet opportunities have been extremely limited, as I've either had my laptop taken off me or my step dad has turned the internet off and I have been grounded for no reason at all so my mum and my step dad can basically use me as their skivvy so I'm unable to use the library. At the moment, I've snuck onto their computer.

As most people who live in the UK know, yesterday was A level results day and for me, I got the worst results I could even have imagined.

Spanish - E

Law - E

History - E

Philosophy and Ethics - D

Now some people may look at the positive of that and say "at least you passed", but the thing is for me, I'm not use to failure in my education, at all. I've never done so badly and I was utterly devastated that my mum and step dad had managed to harm my education so much.

They came with me to get my results, along with my sister and I have been telling them for the last couple of months that I had failed, yet they didn't believe me.

When they saw my results, my step dad instantly started shouting in the middle of school about how I'm stupid and I should have done better and that my only solution was to go to college (which is my worst nightmare).

My mum, luckily was much calmer than my step dad and she calmed him down a bit as to not make as much of a scene and we ended up trying to speak to my head of sixth form. However, because I'm only a year 12, the year 13s took priority since they had to accept their university places.

As a result, we went and spoke to the deputy head and my Spanish teacher, the one I've mentioned several times before who hates my step dad a lot. He was pretty calm about everything and reassured me that I didn't have to drop out and that I can just retake all of my subjects as well as continue with my A2s.

However, while we were with him, my step dad was slagging me off towards him and telling him how I'd put no work in etc etc. Luckily, my teacher stuck up for me a lot and told him that he'd seen me leave school at stupid o'clock after studying after school for a couple of extra hours every night and didn't doubt my commitment to my education.

After we'd spoken to him, we tried to find my law teacher, although we were unable to so the headteacher of the entire school came and spoke to us and told me that it was fine and I shouldn't worry about it. Apparently they're going to have look over my papers to see where I went wrong.

Eventually, we left the school and the entire way home, my mum and step dad were shouting at me and asking me why everyone else had done so much better than me etc. By this point, I was ready for bursting into tears because I'd put so much effort into school over the last year.

I didn't give them the satisfaction though and ended up crying once I got into my room.

My grandad came up and spoke to me after a little while and was really calm about everything, which helped a lot.

I then went downstairs and my step dad continued.

My mum ended up taking me to one side and we sorted out my university options and I've decided on Aberstwyth because I only need BBC to get in.

She tried to get me applying for more jobs, though I can't because I don't have a laptop, I can't use my phone and I'm not allowed out. I also don't have the confidence to speak to people.

Later on, I ended up on a massive rant on twitter (which I know some of you will have seen if you follow me, which I know a few of you do). What I didn't expect was the Spanish teacher that'd I'd spoken to earlier on had tweeted me, making sure I was alright and that I'd done really well considering my circumstances and not to worry, which I really appreciated. He also had a little bit off a slag off about my step dad.

It's fair to say though that everyone was dissappointed in my grades and the worst part about it is that people think I just flunked it becuase I didn't revise enough and don't care about my education, because they don't know what's been going off at home.