Dear Diary

~ 4/5th November 2013 ~

So as you guys probably know, I've been really quite ill for the last few days. It's got to a point where I'm having constant breathing problems and pains in my chest. There are other problems, but they're the ones that I'm finding hardest to cope with.

I knew that going to school wasn't the best idea, but my mum and step dad wouldn't let me have the day off, so I ended up being at school for 7:30am.

However, I ended up leaving the house at 6:50am, and since it's England, and November, the cold made me feel even worse; especially since it was raining. I studied for an hour, although when I went to my form room, I felt no better. I had to go and speak to my counsellor about it, because I'd wrote to her the night before and told her everything that was going off at home with my different family members passing away and the problems I'm having with my family.

She checked my temperature and told me to go to the nurse's office, where she ended up calling my mum to pick me up.

My counsellor checked on me once more, and both her and the nurse were concerned that I was having breathing problems.

My mum and step dad came and picked me up around half an hour later, and ended up having a go at me because my mum was in bed and wanted a bath and my step dad was on the computer. Baring in mind I was struggling to breathe at this point.

We stopped in a local village to get breakfast, with me still struggling, yet my step dad had been patronizing me and picking on me for the whole 15 minute journey there.

Once we finished there, we went home, where - once again - they were on at me about how I should be at school and how my chances at going to university are going down the drain.

As soon as I got in, my step dad turned the internet off, so I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day.

Then last night, my mum got a phone call.

They called all of the family up to the hospice to say goodbye to my cousin.

My mum and step dad went, before my mum went out to bingo for the rest of the night.

Me and my sister got left with our step dad.

He had a go at my sister for not taking her rubbish out straight away, since we only had 5 minutes of a film to watch and told me off for being downstairs when my dinner was cooking since I was ill.

The rest of the night was spent sleeping, really.

They told me that if I wanted today off then I'd have to walk to the doctors at 7:40am; baring in mind I can't keep my balance because I have problems with my ears and my head as well.

Then today, I did get up and go to the doctors, and yes, they did make me walk to book an appointment.

I ended up having one at 10am.

When I was walking back from there, my sister called me over to the bus stop and told me that my cousin had passed away in the night and that her granddaughter was sleeping at our house, so she'd be with us for the day .

I got in and stayed in my room for a while, before her granddaughter (my 3rd cousin) walked into my room with my mum, since she wanted to be with me.

I let her use my laptop for a while and was being nice to her, though she still hadn't been told what had happened to her nan. I couldn't help feel sorry for her, since I had almost the same experience with my nan.

After a while, my mum made us breakfast, which she never usually does. It was only because my cousin was here and she's only 11 so she's too young to make it herself. She went home around 9:40am, and my mum and I went to the doctors, since it was at a different place to where I booked the appointment.

It turns out that I probably just have a virus, but becuase I already have problems with my head, it makes it a whole lot worse. I've been told to stay off school, which isn't helping since I really need to be there, but what can I do? School's told me not to go in anyway.

My step dad picked my mum and I up, and ended up being patronizing to me once more.

My cousin ended up coming back to my house and watching films with me, since my family didn't want to put up with her. She wasn't too bad, but to be honest, I was way too ill to care if she was and I'm still feeling like crap.