Dear Diary

20th January 2014 - 26th January 2014

Monday was quite interesting I suppose.

I spent my whole morning (from 5am) and dinner doing my RE work that was meant to be done over the last two weeks whilst my teacher was on paternity leave, only for it to turn out that we didn't even go through it. We ended up spending an hour on one theory of God, since the whole class couldn't get their head around it except from my friend and I. We ended up finishing the two theories that we were meant to be looking at with 30 minutes to spare, so we did nothing for the rest of the lesson.

During afternoon registration, my counsellor came to see me and told me that she wanted me to miss my 4th lesson on Wednesday to go to this talk about eating disorders. I was really taken aback by it because I am certain that I don't have a eating disorder; I just don't like to eat when I'm being forced to.

I spoke to my friends and they offered to come with me, which I was really grateful for.

After school, I phoned my mum up to tell her about this meeting and she told me that people keep asking if I'm anorexic. 

I am not anorexic and I don't have any eating problems. 

On Tuesday, my mum and step dad ended up shouting at me because I have no financial plans for university, although I'm not even going until next year. 

They ended up telling me that I couldn't go to the gym and that they would not take me to see any universities until I found a way to finance myself. Of course, they won't listen about student loans. 

So on Wednesday, dispite me not wanting to, I went to the talk with three of my friends who were extremely supportive of me. The problem was that the talk made me feel worse, and I just wanted to cry throughout it. 

At the end of the talk, I went to see my cousellor, who asked me how I felt about the talk and I told her straight out that I wasn't happy with it. I also told her about what my mum and step dad ahd told me. 

Wednesday night, my mum came into my room and told me that she would let me go to the gym on Thursday because we'd already planned it with my sister and some of her friends. 

On Thursday I went to see my other counsellor who told me that she wasn't happy that my normal counsellor forced me to go to the talk and what happened with my mum and step dad. She's also extremely concerned about me not eating but drinking too much so she's refering me to the school nurse. 

As well as this, I got my Spanish grade back and it turned out that I got an E. I know it sounds terrible but out of 13 people, only me and two other people passed. Besides, the exam was on things that we've never learned like teeth. 

On Friday, nothing happened, really. My Spanish teacher was giving feedback on the Spanish results and most people came back almost in tears. He's told a lot of people to drop it because they're not going to pass it. It turns out he didn't have time to see me (I totally didn't do that on purpose ;) ). 

So after school, I phoned my mum up and told her that I didn't have time to speak to him so she said that she wanted me to go and ask him if he was going to make me drop it. So I went to see him and when I asked him, his words were 'absolutely not' and it turns out that he's actually raised my predicted grade to an A, which is good. 

Later that night, my mum ended up waking me up because she needed me to help her re-pack her case, since she was going away at 3am on Saturday. I didn't mind, it was only 11pm and it was a Friday anyway. 

On Saturday, my mum and step dad has already gone once I woke up. At around 10am, I went into my sister's room and asked her what time she was going out because she kept asking me what time I was going out and what time my grandad was too. I told her that I wasn't going out and she told me the same, saying that her friends were coming round to my house for the day. I told her no, but she was having none of it. 

I sat on the stairs, and when I stood up and looked outside the window, she tried to push me down the stairs. She then pushed me into a corner and started punching me because I said that they couldn't come over. She was being both physically and verbally abusive towards me. I ignored her and didn't retaliate at all. 

After she knew that I wasn't going to let her friends come round, she stormed out the house, and I didn't know where she went. 

At around 5:30pm, my grandad told me to phone my sister to see where she was and what time she was going to be home for. She told me that she was going to be home for 8 and put the phone down on me. 

I hadn't heard from her before that in over 7 hours. It's fair to say that I was fuming. 

Then today, I skyped my mum who's in Lanzarote at the moment. 

What actually happened yesterday with my sister was much worse that I expected. 

It turns out that she went to a friends house and got utterly drunk. She climbed up a ladder, fell off and hurt all her body. As well as this, she ended up puking all over her friend's carpet and her clothes so her boyfriend had to change into some else's. She then threw a knife at one of her friends and was slagging me off and bragging about how she beat me up and tried to push me down the stairs because she's proud of herself. She also called me a 'fucking bitch' apparently. She also cut her wrists. 

So this week has been pretty hectic to say the least. My mum and stepdad are fuming with my sister, and I honestly don't blame them. I am disgusted and disgraced to be called her sister.