Game 6

Chapter Twenty-Seven

       I sat on my floor, my back against my wall and a hot mug of hot chocolate warming up my palms. My phone sat in front of me, buzzing every now and then. But I just didn't have enough energy to reply.

       I've been thinking a lot lately; which, for me, is extremely odd. 

       I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought for sure I'd end up with Matt; even if I had some doubt, I always thought that deep down I knew Matt would be the one that I choose. But after my date with Jack the other night, I just don't know...

       Sure, we were looking really freaking weird sitting in Taco Bell in our most fancy of outfits. Did we get weird looks? Hell yeah. Even the cashier laughed, and I'm pretty sure a few kids took a picture of us while we were eating. But with Jack, that was okay; it all didn't matter. Everything was fine, and easy, and just simple.  I feel like he understands me. That no matter what I do, I don't have to explain it. He accepts me without any conditions or rules; I could be just me. He made everything feel like it was going to be okay; I had no worries and he just went with it.  

       However with Matt, it's like he knows me. He's like the male version of me (which sounds creepy and weird, but I promise it's not). And he's so sweet; I know he'd do anything for me, anything that I ask of him at all. He trusts me completely and it seems like he depends on me, which is so important to me because it lets me know that I matter as much to him as he does to me. 

       Both these wonderful, amazing guys like me. Me. The short, ginger, slightly overweight, dumb, way too nervous and awkward me, actually has these two utterly great boys wanting me. There are people out there way better than me; way prettier, much smarter, taller, more talented and there are plenty of people with a better personality than me. They could both do way better, yet they choose me. And I find that hard to believe. 

       And that's mostly why I think both of them are doing this to win the game.

       But whatever the reason, I love these guys. Not in a love, that I'd want to marry them (at least not yet) but in a love that I care about them a lot, and I'd do anything for either of them. 

       I would never want to lose either of them, or hurt anyone. That's what makes this so hard.

       There was a knock on my door, and my mom popped her head into my room with a large, goofy smile on her face.

       "I got some clean clothes for you," She said as she slipped into the room. 

       Mom placed the basket on my bed and began to pile the clothes. She raised her eyebrow as my phone continued to buzz on, noticing that I wasn't answering anything.

       She frowned. "Something wrong?" She asked in that weird voice mom's use when they know you're upset, but just wants to get the conversation going. 

       I sighed and shook my head. "Sorta." I mumbled.

       Mom raised her eyebrows. "Well, do you want to talk about it?"

       I furrowed my eyebrows. "Uh, sorta of, yeah..." I admitted, frowning at my phone as it buzzed again.

       Mom sat at the edge of my bed, her elbows resting on her thighs and her chin in her palms. "Let's hear it then; I've been told mothers give great advice."

       I rolled my eyes and folded my legs to my chest. "Okay so, basically, these two guys, who we'll call M and J, like me. Both of them," I explained. "And I like them. Both of them... They're both utterly amazing in every way possible, but I just don't know who to choose... I don't want to hurt anybody or have anyone get mad at me. They mean so much to me... I don't want anyone to cut me off."

       I can't believe I just told my mother all this... I'm so freaking stupid.

       I saw my mother's eyes look up, like she was thinking or pondering something. Her mouth was slightly open and she was squinting, so she must have been having some hardcore thoughts.

       "Well..." She said finally after thinking for way too long. "Which boy did you like first? M or.. or J?"

       I bit my lip. "M." I admitted quietly. I'm pretty sure she knew what two guys I was actually taking about... Damn, I hate myself. Why did I even ask my mom?

She nodded. "Then choose J." She concluded. She saw my confusion to her descision, so she further explained. "Look, if you really liked M, you wouldn't have even started thinking about liking J. Whoever you choose, you need to be sure about it. That you would never consider anyone over him. No one."

She had a point. But Matt was so special... I'm so sure he's perfect... Even more perfect for me... So maybe my mom didn't really know anything; she didn't really know either of them, anyways.

I smiled. "Thanks mom," I said. "You really gave me some thinking to do..." Not really.

Mom grinned and stood up, picking up her basket. "Glad I could be of assistance." And she strolled out of my room, closing the door behind her.

My phone buzzed again, so I picked it up, figuring I should at last really the messages they are sending.

                                                             -message from Matt Henderson-

-Dianna? Hello?

-Are you alright?

-Ok, that's ok take the time you need to reply :)

-I reallllyyy hope you're doing fine! I haven't heard from you in a while... It's killing me.

-Just know that there isn't any rush. Take your time and get back to me whenever xx

       I sighed and quickly typed Matt a thank you, being sure to add a lot of smilely faces and unneeded exclamation points to show that I'm alright.

                                                             -text message from Jack Henderson-

-Hey. You OK?

-I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now... But I can't help it.

-I miss you.

-I hope you don't feel like you have to hurry to talk to me. It's OK; take all the time you need. I'll wait for you.

       I rolled my eyes and sent back a quick reply, telling him that I'd speak with him later.

       What do you do when both boys give you such butterflies? That they both made you feel like you're worth everything and nothing all at the same time? What to do when you can't tell the love of friendship from the feelings of a relationship? Why is everything is difficult?

       Love isn't supposed to be this hard. It's supposed to be like in the movies where it just happens and you know it's happened. No matter how many options you have, you know which one is the right one and that you two will be together until the end. It's simple, real, and true, and just plain perfect. So why isn't it that easy? What am I doing wrong?

       But nonetheless, I know which one I choose.