Esme's Diary

Chapter 9 - Panic Attack

Dear Diary,

It seems like it has been forever since I last wrote in here… But in truth, it has only been about 4 weeks. Johnathon and I see each other every day. I spend the mornings at my parent’s farm and then the afternoons with my love. Occasionally I feel guilty, but then I remember what Evie said about deserving to find happiness.

There is one thing that I know for certain. Either Johnathon and I will have to go our separate ways when Charles gets back, or we will have to run away together. I’m not sure which will happen but I do know that Charles will kill both of us if he ever found out that we were having a relationship behind his back. Anyway let me tell you about today.

I was working in the front garden of my parents’ house when my mother called me. “Esme dear,” she said,

“Yes mother?” I replied, wondering what she wanted this time as I walked into the kitchen. She’d be calling me every 5 minutes – obviously wanting to say something but knowing how to say it.

“Have you been told the service men are coming home on a week’s leave soon?” My mother asked, twisting her apron around in her fingers. She was obviously nervous about my reaction.

I really didn’t know what to do.

My heart started beating so fast and a nervous feeling overcame me, it was like I had hundreds of butterflies fluttering around my stomach. A lump rising to my throat. I honestly thought I would be sick. What was I going to do about Johnathon? I never, for one second, imagined Charles to come back so soon.

I had hoped he would never come back.

I had to talk to Johnathon; we were due to meet under our tree after I’d finished at my parents. Yes, you read that right – it is now our tree. Every time I think of it as my tree, he would always show up there, so now it’s our tree.

My mother continued talking, totally oblivious that I was having a panic attack at her kitchen table.

“There’s going to be a welcome-home dinner and I have offered to host it here, and I have also invited my new neighbours,” Mother told me.

I was wondering who these new neighbours were. Mother hadn’t mentioned before that people were going to be moving in. I planned to ask Mom who the new neighbours were and if they were local when I remembered that I must tell Johnathon that Charles will be coming home for a week and that I won’t be able to get away to our tree.

My mother was looking at me, probably wondering why I had all of a sudden turned as white as snow and hadn’t yet replied.

“No, mother – I hadn’t been told they were coming back for a week, do you happen to know when they will be arriving mother?” I questioned steadily.

“Why yes actually I do, they should be here any day now. Today or tomorrow I should think.”