Esme's Diary

Chapter 24 - Revelations

Dear Diary,

As the last of the sun’s rays filtered through the trees, I sat on the edge of the bed staring aimlessly at the walls, continually replaying what had happened in my mind. After I had – and it made me sick to even think the words – murdered those poor children, Carlisle had carried me all the way back to the house. He didn’t say anything to me as we walked, he didn’t try to reassure me, he just held me gently in his arms.

I had involuntarily rested my head on his hard, granite-like shoulder. As I lay there, my senses were invaded by the sweet scent surrounding him. I hated myself for what I’d done, especially as I remembered Carlisle and Edward explaining to me that they survived off of the blood of animals, not humans.

I had not been able to stop myself from killing those two young people. I had broken the rules. I was weak. I had let Carlisle and Edward down and all I wanted to do now was crawl under a rock and die.

When we reached Carlisle’s house, I tried to wriggle free from his arms, but he just held me tighter – and to be honest, I didn’t put up much of a fight.

“Trust me,” he whispered, so quietly that I wondered if the human version of myself would have heard him.

The walls I’d built to protect myself began to crack and crumble as his eyes – full of warm, golden, tenderness – overwhelmed me.

I was still in his arms when he walked into the house then towards the stairs. I stiffened in his grip as Charles’ face flashed into my mind and consumed my body. I wondered what was going to happen to me now as I remembered those dark times, and I tried to look for a way to escape.

“Esme, Please trust me, I won’t hurt you.” Carlisle’s voice was sad, yet I knew he meant it.

He kept me in his arms as he carried me up the stairs, down the long narrow corridor, stopping at the last door on the left. I shuddered as he pushed open the door, but I was suddenly overwhelmed by so many different scents. I couldn’t understand what was happening. There were scents that seemed familiar, and there were new, wonderful, scents that made me feel calm.

As I looked around to find the source of the aroma that pervaded my senses, I noticed there were about ten vases of flowers in the room, delicately placed on every available surface. I was so in awe of the flowers, I hadn’t noticed Carlisle had reached the bed. He slowly bent down and delicately placed me on the quilt that was draped on top of the over sized bed. As I sat down, I looked up at this wonderful person, and I knew that the sadness I felt was evident in my eyes. As he slowly sat down beside me, I was shocked to see that it was sadness in his eyes, too. I was even more shocked when, with the kind of tenderness I hadn’t even experienced with Jonathon, he slowly touched my face to push aside a loose strand of hair.

“Esme, I know it’s easy for me to say this, but you cannot punish yourself for what happened. It is in our nature to hunt humans; everything about us attracts them to us for that very purpose. Edward and I, we are different. We have made the choice not to hunt humans. We don’t want to be monsters.” He paused for a moment to look directly into my eyes before continuing. “I realized a long time ago that our kind can survive on the blood of animals. I also know that we don’t have to be savages, we do have a choice.” His explanation was like a school teacher, firm but gently guiding me to see his point of view.

I didn’t speak. I couldn’t speak. I just stared at the face of the man that had captivated me all those years ago. I stared into the depths of his beautiful golden eyes, the same eyes that had given me comfort when I broke my leg a decade ago. I stared at his reassuring smile, the same perfect smile that had made my heart skip a beat and captured my attention as a teenager and turned my complexion the colour of beetroot.