Never Alone

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Elliot frowned as he watched Maddie push the food around her plate, a hand grasping hold of his heart as he saw through the makeup to the large bags under her eyes. It was as if someone had tied two ropes around his most vital organ, pulling tighter and tighter until it physically hurt to beat. To breathe. The knot around his heart was thick and strong, prohibiting the blood flow as he struggled to comprehend what he was seeing. Because it wasn't as if Maddie's actions were that obvious, no matter how clear it was to him now, it was more the fact that he had missed it before. Because how the hell had he missed it? Maddie had been his best friend for years. He should be able to spot things like this. He should have been the first one to know. That should have been him, calling up Maddie's mum to alert her of his concern for her daughter. Not the other way round.

He had been so selfishly caught up in his own problems to realise the destruction of the person he loved the most. Maddie had been there for him through thick and thin. She had been the one to hold him when he first cried after the death of Grace. She had been the one to read his speech for Grace at the funeral because he hadn't been able to bring himself to speak. She had been the one to tell him that his brothers still loved him, even after they left. She had been his rock, his thing to lean on. And she had leant on him. When her dad left, he had been the one to hold her. When she failed her first exam, he had been the one to see her cry. They had gone everywhere together. Everywhere. And now he had gone and thrown it all away because he had been too goddamn selfish to realise that she was hurting.

Most likely because of him.

But he didn't really want to think about that possibility because he wasn't sure how much more strain his heart could take.

Elliot followed her out of the cafeteria after lunch, as he always did. But when the rest of his friends moved on down the corridor with her friends, he pulled her to the side, into a corner just by a row of lockers. And he tried not look her in the eye, because he didn't want to see what he already knew. And it made him want to really, really hurt himself. Because she had loved him with all her heart, and he was too much of an asshole to be able to love her back. It didn't make any sense to him. He really, really wanted to love her in the way that she loved him. But he couldn't. He had tried so, so many times. But his heart refused to cooperate with his head.

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid, stupid question. And he easily predicted the answer. But he had no other way to strike up the conversation.

"Yeah." She wasn't looking at him either.

"Look...I...your mum gave me a ring and she's...she's worried about you Maddie." He once again felt the need to jump off of a building, because this was absolutely ridiculous. He was acting like a damn therapist, not her friend. Why couldn't he just act normal around her? Why couldn't her just love her in the way that he was ******* supposed to? What the hell was stopping him? "Look I...I'm sorry it took so long to see myself but I...you can't honestly expect me to believe you when you say you're okay."

"If you already knew the answer, why did you ask me?" 

"I...I don't know."

"..."

"Look I...I'm really, really sorry."

"For what?"

"For breaking your heart."

"You didn't-"

"But I did, Maddie. And I'm sorry but I...I think it would have been worse to lie to you. I...I just...I know how in love with me you are, Maddie. I...the signs were all there and with...with every sign I saw I just...I just felt more guilty because I didn't feel that way about you. Which was ridiculous, because I had every reason to love you in that way but I...for some reason I...I just couldn't love you that way. And I am so, so sorry for that. Because you don't deserve to love someone who doesn't love you back. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, and makes you happy every day."

"But you make me happy every day, Elliot. I...I'm so in love with you that it hurts."

"Maddie I...I'm sorry for not being able to love you in the way that you deserve but I...if you love me to the point of hurting then I...that's not the type of love that you deserve, Mads. You deserve a love that makes you want to wake up every morning, a...a...love that puts a smile on your face instead of...of the tears I've caused you."

"..."

"I'll never forgive myself for not loving you, Maddie. I made you doubt yourself and...and that's the worst thing a guy can do to a girl. I...I know you think I dumped you because you're not good enough but I...that couldn't be further from the truth. I...I...I'm nowhere near good enough for you, Maddie. You...you need to move on and find someone that will love you in the way I can't."

"..."

"..."

"Tell me I'm beautiful."

"W..what?"

"Just say it, even if you don't mean it. I haven't heard it in a while."

"Maddie, you are beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful and you should never, ever doubt that. And it makes me sad that you need me to tell you that but I...I guess that's just the kind of place we live in. Maddie, you are beautiful. From the beautiful curls in your hair to the beautiful sparkle in your eyes and your beautiful smile and your beautiful figure. You are beautiful, Maddie, and never let yourself tell you otherwise."

A few seconds later, the two best friends were seen to be hugging in the corridor, both members of the partnership with watery eyes as they clutched onto each other with the kind of force that reassembled the planets and the sun.