Never Alone

1 1 : 0 2 | P M

V O I C E M A I L

"You have reached the phone of Isabella Anderson. I'm afraid that I'm not available right now, but I promise to call you back as soon as I can. Feel free to leave a message but if you'd prefer to just continue the conversation when I call you back, that's also fine! Really sorry I couldn't pick up but, if it's urgent, keep calling and I'm sure I'll pick up at some point. Sorry for any inconvienece I've caused."

"Hey Izzy.

It's Josie here. You know, the best friend you haven't contacted in the past couple of months. Not that I'm accusing you or anything, of course. We both need our space. You probably more than me, hence the whole 'moving halfway across the world to another country' stunt that you pulled there. Not that I blame you, of course, it ******* kills me to live in the same area that it all went down. I wish I could move. I would. If it wasn't for my family. It won't surprise you to know that they won't let me out of their sight.

I've been a mess lately. I...I think time is making it worse. With each second that goes by a new thought comes. A new 'what if' that could have possibly prevented this from happening to me...to...to you...to us. To all of us. It just makes me think, you know? Like, what did we do to deserve this ********? Did we do something messed up in our past life to end up with this ****** storyline? And, if we did mess up in some kind of former life then was it really worth all of this? Is anything we possibly could have done before in another life equivalent to this? Because I...I don't think so.

No matter what kind of sick game of karma we are playing, or how we messed up in another life, nobody deserves this. No one. Even someone who is a serial killer or a rapist or...or the evilest person you can possibly think of. No one deserves to witness and go through what we did. So...so either Fate is really sadistic or he doesn't exist at all. Because if there is some kind of God then he wouldn't allow this. He couldn't. Allowing his children to suffer for no reason other than because some sick, twisted ******* decided that shooting down a school would be fun. Hell, he wouldn't allow humans to own weapons capable of wiping out schools in the first place.

You remember when I used to be religious, like, before all this happened? I would go to Church and have massive debates with you on how God gave us free will. Remember that? I think you would say something along the lines of 'if God exists and loves us, then why is there so much death and poverty?' and then I would get all preachy and say something like 'it's not God's fault that all of this happens. It's ours. He gave us free will as a gift. It's us who choose to use it as we wish to.' And I still agree with that, sort of. Not that I believe in God anymore, of course, believe it or not, this kind of thing kind of wipes your mind clean of any faith. In anything. Let alone a higher power. Because who in their right mind would let this happen? Who in their right mind would willingly create some psycho who goes around manipulating people and getting close to them and making everyone trust them just so they can go and shoot the entire bloody building to smithereens?

No person in their right mind would create a person like that. If there was a higher person, they would prevent people like that from existing. Or at least, the kind of God I used to pray to every night would.

I've tried to get my faith back, Izzy, I really have. But I can't. I...I just don't believe anymore. How can I? There isn't anyone who has enough power to stop free will. Whoever gave it to us was an idiot, obviously. It doesn't take a genius to realise that the world is messed up. And we made it this way. Not God. Us. We messed up our own planet with free will. And surely...surely, if God existed, he would have stopped all this. Surely, he would have helped me out. Us out. Like...like, not a guardian angel or anything but at least some guidance. Because...right now, I have no idea how to handle the images I have seen and I...I'm terrified that I'll never be able to move on from them. Because if I can't move on from the past and into the present then I'm not really living.

What kind of God would allow this to happen?

What kind of great plan could this possibly be part of?

I don't really know why I called, in all honesty. I was kind of hoping to talk to someone who didn't ask me if I was okay for once. Because you know that I'm not. Because you're not okay either. You're the only one who gets that I can't be okay, no matter how many times I lie and say that I am."