Fated Stars

Guilt Ch 14

I sneak back into my room trying to desperately calm my racing heart. Who could that have been I was so panic I did not or could not make out a familiar scent. It had to be Ward though, who else would have gone chasing after me? I sit on my bed and place my hand over my heart. I shake my head it was Ward, he was clearly upset when I left so suddenly. Why he felt the need to transform is beyond me but I shall not think about it anymore. Or him, he came so close to dishonoring my mate-ship. What ever was he thinking of getting so close and touching me. I feel my face get hot and my heart races faster but for a much different reason this time. No, no Ward feels nothing toward me but perhaps friendship or maybe he just feels sorry for me. Oh, that has to be the reason. I was crying and looking pretty pitiful. He probably just wanted to do anything to get me to stop, besides having feelings for another besides your mate is taboo and forbidden. It is not like anything can come of it most of the time when other wolves choose to be romantic with another beside there chosen it ends badly and the Stars will not look favorable upon you. Although I cannot not think of any wolves who have done such a thing beside Violet and my father but even they were partially fated by the stars. 

I lie down on my bed and touch my knees to my chest, I close my eyes and Kader's face enters my mind. I feel embarrassed to see him, what if he finds out about Ward? That cannot happen it would ruin everything. I need to not put myself in such a compromising position ever again. I will just avoid Ward and keep my mind focus on whats to come. I have so much to look forward too, spending time thinking of the past will not benefit me in anyway.I find my self dozing off and before I can drift completely away, I hear my mother calling me. This is going to be a long day.

I watch my mother dust the same area on the counter about a hundred times now. However I know better than to comment. She is clearly nervous about Violet coming today to help with my pottery making and lessons. Mother has done nothing but putter around and clean everything in site, mind you my mother keeps the tidiest home I have ever seen. I wish I knew the rights words of comfort or encouragement to give my mother, something that would reassure her that everything will be fine. I however do not entirely believe everything will be fine. I am fairly nervous myself, I have never spent much time interacting with Violet before. At least not in my own home and a more intimate setting. Growing up it seemed Violet tried to make an effort with me at times but there were others where she was very much indifferent toward me.

I all I really want is to see and be with Kader. It seems like ages ago that I have seen him. Our last encounter was strange to be sure but I know it is partly because we have had no bonding time. Kader and I's mate-ship is not like the typical. Usually couples have more time to bond and plan their lives together. Such as where they will build their home and what it will look like, also practicing the ceremony for the harvest moon. However with Kader and I's positions it seems that we will not get anytime together before the ceremony. I still worry about what Kader said and what it really means to be alpha offspring. Which pack will I belong to his? Or will I continue to stay in my fathers but have Kader join? There is so much I wish to ask but I know it is not my place. My mind whirls and goes into so many directions lately that I seem to drift from reality. So much so that I do not registrar my mother grabbing my arm and calling my name. I look to her face quickly searching for a word and excuse for my bizarre behavior. She just smiles, "I thought I lost you in that head of yours for a moment." I shake my head and my jumbled thoughts clear finally. "No, of course not mother, I- well I feel out of sorts I suppose today. I am a bit anxious if I am honest." I say the words so causally and much out of character for myself. I would have never admitted to being anxious, at least not to mother. Also not without prodding and coaxing my truth and feelings. My mother does look surprised by my admission but quickly goes into comforting mode by leading me to a chair at the dinner table. "Oh my star, of course you are feeling different, there is so much going on. I bet much of which you feel in the dark about?"