Peyton's Point of View
I sit down cross-legged on my bed and Bri settles into my desk chair across the room.
"So, what are you doing here?"
She sighs, "You know how sometimes you love somebody, but then you kill their cat. Then you feel bad about killing their cat, but you can't even bring yourself to apologize. I mean, you know nothing excuses killing the cat, so you don't even try. They have no reason to forgive you for killing their cat."
I stare at her, my mouth falling open. "You killed Ishmael? I thought she died of old age! How could you kill my cat?"
Bri gives me a disgusted look, "Oh my god, no! I didn't kill your cat, Peyton. It was a metaphor. I was so rude to you, I don't even know how to begin to apologize."
I relax a lot after she says that. Okay, she yelled at me. At least she didn't kill Ishmael.
"We all say things we regret." Why am I comforting her? I should be pissed at her.
"You're not pissed at me?"
I sigh, "Bri, you're like my sister. I could never stay pissed at you. I just never knew you felt that way about me. Why didn't you just talk to me? I would've tried to help."
"I didn't tell you about what Edgar had been saying to me, because I knew you already thought he was a bad guy. I knew you'd give me that look."
"What look?"
"The one where you look at me like I'm so desperate to stoop and date him, like I'm stupid."
I get up and walk over to her. I grab her shoulders.
"Bri, you're not stupid. I don't think you're stupid, at all. You're right, I don't think Edgar deserves you. That's because I can't think of any guy who does deserve you. You're absolutely beautiful and hilarious and the sweetest friend ever."
Bri looks like she might cry, "So, we're good?"
I hug her, "Of course."
Then we both go and sit on my bed. "So, you and Miles? I never saw that coming."
"Why? He's kind, sweet, funny."
"Sure, there's nothing wrong with him. You just don't look at him the way you look at Seth, you know?"
"No, I don't know. I don't have a way that I look at Seth," I say, stubbornly.
"I've seen the way you look at him, you've been into him since Sophmore year."
I frown, "Okay, I know we swore we'd never keep secrets, but I really wasn't ready to talk about this. Now with everything going on I think I just need to get it off my chest."
Bri looks at me, confused. We didn't keep secrets.
I continue, "I had a crush on Seth."
Bri smiles, "I knew it!"
"It was freshman year, and he was in one of my classes. I thought he was hot. I had one of those crushes on him where you think about what it would be like if he would just talk to you."
I pause for a second. "Then he did," Bri prompts.
"He talked to me. He actually asked to copy my homework, and I was insulted. I said I don't let strangers copy my homework, and he told me that was stupid."
I laugh, "I told him he was the stupid one, copying homework. Then he frowned and told me that if he didn't copy it then he would get a bad grade. I felt bad, and I started helping him.
Pretty soon we were hanging out all the time. I saw the worst sides of him. I let him sleep at my house when his parents were home. Sometimes he'd talk all night about how fake they were. I saw him get so pissed off at his grades. You would probably think I'd stop having a crush on him after seeing all of this.
I also saw the best sides of him. He was willing to go get tampons for his little sister. He brought me ice cream when I was sick, and even watched Pretty Little Liars with me. I fell in love with him, or maybe it wasn't love. I was only fifteen, after all. It was a crush," I say, trying to convince myself. Deep down, I think it might have been more than that.
Bri is engrossed in the story, like I knew she would be. She loves stories about love. "Why didn't you tell him?"
"I didn't want to ruin what we had as friends. I wasn't exactly pretty back then. I had my braces on, and my hair was shorter and frizzier. I knew he wasn't interested.
So, when Kyle asked me out, of course I said yes. I didn't have feelings for him like I did for Seth, but at least it was something."
"What did Seth say?"
"He was supportive. He listened to me talk about where went on dates, and he was awesome about it. Then something changed. One night I called him and he didn't answer. I would go by his house and Kelly would say we wasn't home, but the light in his room would be on.
When school started I saw him in the hallways with his tongue showed down some girl's throat. I cried in the bathroom for about two minutes, and then I got over it. I had known this was going to happen. I criticized myself for being an idiot."
"Oh my god," Brianna says. "You have to tell him."
"No! He's with Liz, and I'm with Miles. Besides, he's even less interested than he was freshman year. He doesn't care about me."
"Talking to him isn't cheating! You need to tell him."
"I don't know where he is!"
"Go to his house!"
"I'm not going to stalk him, Bri!"
"Please, just go for it. Once in your life do something crazy. Take a risk. Highschool's practically over, get out there and fuck shit up!"
I start laughing, her enthusiasm is getting to me. "Fine, I'll go tell him. Only if you swear to stop smoking."
Bri hesitates, but just for a second. "Go! I'll do it!"
She runs downstairs, and I chase after her.
My mom is still in the kitchen. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to go talk to Seth."
She doesn't know the exact story, but she knows we aren't friends anymore. My mom is shocked, "Good for you!"
Bri hugs me goodbye. "I'm proud of you."
The whole drive to Seth's house I think about what could happen. There's really nothing to worry about because I already ruined our friendship by screaming at him and slapping him.
When I finally get to his door the nerves set in. I take a deep breath and knock on the door.
To my relief and dissapointment, Kelly answers the phone. "Peyton, what are you doing here? I thought you and Seth were fighting?"
"I need to know where Seth is."
"Are you drunk?"
I roll my eyes.
She smiles, "I think he's at Dan's Pub. Go get him, tiger."
