A Woman Of Ice

CV- Someone Who Could

Diana Black sat up in her bed that night, happily thinking all about Fred. She couldn't get him out of her mind, of course. She sighed to herself softly, in a good mood, as she looked down at her lap, seeing the ironically sobering bottle of wine tucked between her legs. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, urging herself to apply self control, for once. She was completely and genuinely happy, for the first time in a while. Diana couldn't even keep track anymore. The laced wine wasn't meant to make her happy, of course; it was meant to replace the idea of having complete happiness in her life, just in case the day her life change for the better never came. By now, Diana knew not to expect good or even decent things. She remembered clearly the day she'd gotten into her first fight at school. Lucas Paisley had punched Harry in the face, and not so well, probably because he was only in the second grade at the time. It was a fairly weak punch, but Harry hadn't been able to duck it quickly enough. So, of course, Diana had decided to challenge him, pushing and throwing real punches until the older bully was finished. The teachers, of course, had all sided against Diana and Harry. Both had been punished severely, when the bully had even thrown the first punch. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia has Of course beaten Diana and Harry over the incident, and afterwards, both had ended up lying down in pain in their closet beneath the stairs. 'It's just one bad day. It'll pass,' Harry had whispered to Diana. At the time, she was only six years old, and had clung to the hope of seeing better days. She hadn't known any different. But now, Diana Black did know better. She knew that that proverbial bad day would never end for her.
"You told me that that one bad day would end. You told me to hold on," Diana murmured, voice quivering as she cried. "You told me to hold on and wait for the bad day to pass. Well, guess what? It never did," she sobbed into the air, looking down and suddenly seeing the open bottle, reminding her of her own weakness. "I don't need you anymore," she reassured herself out loud. "I don't need you!"

"I don't need anything," she tried convincing herself aloud. "Not even Fred. If he even would still want me once he knows the real me."

Diana was paralyzed by her pain, only capable of sitting there sloppily as she
thought, and cried.
"He wouldn't want me," she thought aloud. "No one wants to be with someone who doesn't care about themselves! No one wants someone who might drag them down!"

She completely broke down, gasping for air as she sobbed and sobbed.
  "There's no such thing as someone who could love someone like me."

****

"Diana," Fred Weasley murmured. "You know, even though I was never actually with you, and despite everything you've done.... I've really grown to love you, in every way possible," he promised. "I love you, every part of you."
"You've got to start knocking," Diana sniffled begrudgingly. "But thank you."
"I'll keep that in mind," Fred chuckled sadly, sitting in the chair beside her bed. "What's wrong?"
"So many things," Diana answered. "But I'd rather not talk about them."
"That's fine," he nodded. "I can't force you, and I wouldn't want to. Do you want me to stay?"
Diana shrugged. "I wouldn't want you to miss your curfew, or whatever."
"Diana, it's fine. None of that matters, not to me. If you need something, just ask and I'll do anything I can," Fred replied.
Diana Black nodded with relief. "Thank you."
"Anything," Fred smiled.
"Can you just stay awhile?" Diana asked hopefully.
He chuckled somewhat tearfully. "I'd love to stay with you."
"You're one of the only people who doesn't remind me of how broken I am," Diana confessed. "Is that wrong? I have no idea what is and isn't anymore."
"Honestly, neither do I. I mean, who knows, maybe right and wrong, good and bad.... maybe they aren't real," Fred wondered.
"It's not like we'd ever know," Diana realized.
"True," Fred agreed. "I just wish that, maybe just for once, I could know if what I was doing was really the right thing to do."
"I do too," Diana agreed. "No matter what people tell you, no matter what you can tell yourself.... there's no way to know if you're doing the right thing, for everyone, or for yourself."
"So I suppose you just do what sounds right, and if it isn't.... just apologize later," Fred chuckled with a poignant light in his eyes.
"Something like that," Diana agreed. "We all need something to believe in; a lot of the time, it has to just be ourselves."
"Not even your brother?" Fred asked.
Diana sighed. "I love my brother. I do. But Harry can't tell me what I have to do. Or what I want."
"So what do you want? What do you have to do?" Fred asked carefully.
"I don't know," Diana sighed. "But I can't let anyone get in the way of what I want. As selfish as that may sound."
"Believe me," Fred scoffed. " I understand."
"Good," Diana smiled darkly, eyes stinging. "Because I am doomed. I'm done with the possibility of a nice, normal life, Fred. The only thing that really keeps me from freezing my own heart is my revenge. Nothing cam bring me back from that. Not even myself at the moment. Not Harry. Not even you. And you know me, Fred Weasley. I will do anything to get what I want. Anything. Yeah, after everything that's happened, I'm still alive. I guess that's an accomplishment. But the question is.... does that still mean the same thing for everyone?"