The Critique

Written Beginnings--pxneyhoe

Title: Written Beginnings

Author: pxneyhoe

Summary: "If I had a star for every time you made me smile, I'd have a galaxy in my hands." Those words were his; they were definitely his. Crosswalk lights were typically red, green, and yellow. Water was teal, highlighters were neon. It seemed like common sense to everybody. That is, if they could actually see the colours. Ace Watson could not, but Fawn Richards could. But despite her vision, her life deemed far from satisfactory to her. High school crushes were rough; and so was colour vision deficiency. They both wanted each other's guidance, so that was what they both got. But what if they got something more than what they asked for?

Review: To start off, I like how you broke the whole Asian stereotype of strict parents and yada, yada, yada. That was a huge plus for you because it made your story more interesting to read simply because of the characters. I also like the realistic attitude of your main character—it’s not too overbearing but it’s not too lighthearted either.

What I really did not enjoy was the text talk.

I found it to be okay the first time, but the second and third times were pushing it. It makes your story drop in professionalism and also weakens your sentence structure. It took away from the enjoyable parts of your story all together. Honestly, I think you should make it more one sided and take the whole conversations out. It’s rather tacky, not to be offensive or anything, but in all honesty, I feel like the text talk has to go.

You have solid grammar which is also a great plus. It made the story as a whole easy to read. I also liked your reference to John Green J Although I’m not a fan of The Fault in Our Stars, I liked the way you snuck it in—it was quite clever.

To be frank with you, I won’t be reading on. I thought the summary was quite mature and was surprised to see this story as teen fiction. I liked the way you developed your characters, but the overall story didn’t live up to its summary. Maybe I was a little more disappointed because of that, but I do see potential and with you much luck!