Title: Changing Alexandra
Author: Beautiful_Rain
Summary: Alexandra Renner is not your typical girl. Smoking, drinking and fighting, Alex is in trouble more often than not. But what happens when this law-breaking teenager is given an ultimatum? Choosing to work at a local orphanage over spending time in juvi, Alexandra hates what she was forced to do. Then she meets Lucy, an interesting, unusual girl with a shady past. Can this little girl really be the person to change the bold, defiant Alexandra? Join the former law-breaker on a journey of self-discovery and change.
Review: For starters, I loved the summary. I loved that it was not a hot and sexy guy that would change her, but someone that she could actually get some inspiration from. So, I was looking forward to reading your story.
I read through the first chapter, and to be honest, I was a little disappointed. Alexandra does not sound like a high school student to me, but rather a middle school brat. The way she talks is simply just immature and not really reflecting the high school ‘rebel’ that I was expecting. Also, I think you should lay off the excessive number of exclamation marks—it kind of takes away from the professionalism. For example, when Alexandra says, “I have the worst parents ever! I hate them!” I’m reminded of when I was six-years-old and my mom wouldn’t buy me an ice cream cone like all the other moms and I told her I hated her the most. To fix this, if you’re in high school at least, you should replay a scene in your mind in which you had an argument with your parents or if you have an older sibling, watch their actions.
I definitely want to read on, mainly because I want to see Lucy enter the scene. But first, I would definitely go back and edit the grammatical errors you have. There’s quite a lot and it gets a bit distracting after a while, you know?
YOU ARE READING
The Critique
Non-FictionI'm just like the rest of you. A normal person who just loves to write and read. But the thing is, writing can never be perfect and there are many writers out there who want their work to be at least 99.99% amazing. Here I critique stories; I may be...
