Title: Amber Rose
Author: MegDaniellex3
Summary: Amber Rose was your average seventeen year old girl, starting to drive on her own, she was almost finished with school when a sickness began to plague the world. The sickness turned all of those infected into the living dead. Those infected could turn you with a simple bite or scratch, once the virus got into a body the occupant was doomed to become the living dead. In this world it's survive or die.
Review: Wow. The concept itself is rather gruesome and depressing, but simply wow. This was a very well-written chapter. You had a great pace and each event led to the next one with ease. Of course, there were a few things that did bother me:
1)I this and I that. I went here. I went there. I heard this. I saw that. Basically, you had way too many I’s. Now, I know that your character was doing a lot of actions throughout the whole scene, but I think it’s possible for you to create that same image in the reader’s mind without overusing the first person.
2)The dialogue seems a bit lost in the bulky paragraphs at times. Like you have the dialogue set, then you go into paragraph form, then all of a sudden I find quotation marks within the paragraph and I say to myself “Oh wait, there’s dialogue here?”. This goes back to sentence structure—when you go back and edit I would definitely look at ways to let every direct quote stand out as dialogue and description to remain in the paragraph.
This was most definitely an interesting start. I liked the concept (despite the fact that it was rather gross—I mean the father and brother eating the mother?) it was different and a fresh read. I look forward to more!
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The Critique
Non-FictionI'm just like the rest of you. A normal person who just loves to write and read. But the thing is, writing can never be perfect and there are many writers out there who want their work to be at least 99.99% amazing. Here I critique stories; I may be...
