Title: No Escape
Author: txtaholic
Review:
Oh my, what a beginning! Out of all the stories I've read on Wattpad (which is a lot), I've never read a story that started with a newspaper article. This story was also a lot different because for the first time, NO ROMANCE! Teen fiction? Really? I don't think this should be placed under teen fiction, that's for sure, unless you're planning to release a sudden romance meeting or something. But anyway, your beginning really drew me into the story and I liked it. It was interesting, nevertheless, it was sad.
But not enough.
I felt that it was technically, sad, but it didn't touch me in any way. The words you used to describe the pain and sadness were beautiful, but not compelling. See, I'm being really picky here but I'm sure this will help you in your future chapters. The way you describe things is good, however, I think you could emphasize or maybe stretch the pain/sadness a bit more. It's too blunt and way too typical, in the way you're describing it. Make it flow more, your writing is a bit choppy, add a little more detail, etc, you get what I'm saying.
Next, grammar. It's actually quite good compared to other stories I've been reading. Nevertheless, you could still make time to polish things up a bit. There's nothing major, just small, trivial things.
This last point is just about your reaction toward readers' comments. I've just been taking a glance at them after I read your story and have one suggestion. Don't ask them to add to their library, fan, and vote. Frankly, it's like putting them under pressure because you directly asked them to do so. I'll tell you this; not everyone who reads your story will fan, vote, and add to their library. Why? Because voting is for a story that, in their opinion, deserves it and a fan goes to a person who they want to keep up with. I can tell you that people don't like it when others ask them to fan or vote for them. To ask for votes is actually forbidden in the 'Share Your Story' forum, but I think it shouldn't be used in comments either. It's pretty rude and makes other people feel awkward.
This is just my opinion, so don't hate me or anything. But I'm pretty sure you'll get the votes and fans you deserve without asking.
YOU ARE READING
The Critique
Non-FictionI'm just like the rest of you. A normal person who just loves to write and read. But the thing is, writing can never be perfect and there are many writers out there who want their work to be at least 99.99% amazing. Here I critique stories; I may be...
