Yours Truly, Louis- Larry AU

48. Fateful

A/N: I'm not even sure if I want to end it yet, but like, whatever, the story writes itself, right?

 

Louis

I remembered the time Harry and I had just wanted to settle into my apartment when Tina and I had first moved in, it was relaxing and stress free. Long before I signed the contract, Harry and I hadn't a care in the world. We watched Disney movies the entire night, while I sang along dramatically, Harry videotaping me on his phone.

That was another thing I wasn't sure of. If I decided to go through with this, whatever this was, what would we have left? Painful memories that make each other wince once it's been thought about. Scrolling through old photos on our phones, being reminded every time of what could have been.

I knew Harry didn't want it, but then there was also another part of me that didn't want it either. I could just let it be for the time being, let it all be sorted out, but I didn't think that it would be fair to either one of us. If we let this drag on for a longer amount of time, what would happen? 

We would probably grow even more so attached to one another, dependant and then when the ship finally sinks, all we're left with is pity and sadness. The damage would drag on for a longer amount of time, yet the problems would never sort themselves out. It's ridiculous how much one sentence can change your life. 

Truthfully, I didn't want to be the one to decide this, I really wanted it to be a mutual thing, I couldn't bear it if Harry wandered back into my life after so long, scolding me with the fact that I was the one who made the ultimate decision to end things. I felt like he would always blame it on me. 

"Louis?" Harry whispered, touching my cheek lightly.

I looked at him, straight in the eyes, "I don't know what to do," I confessed. All of this happened in the first ten minutes he showed up at my apartment, so really, I hadn't gotten the time to plan anything out.

"Don't do anything then, Louis, I really can't loose you," Harry's eyes were glossy with tears. 

I sucked in a breath. I such a fucking moron. I spent hours and hours before all of this happened, stalking Harry Styles, my favourite boy band member and now this happens. I idolized him for four years, I spent my days and nights blogging and constantly updating my websites, solely about him. I ranted to Tina for an unreasonable amount of time, sobbing into her shoulder some nights wondering why I could never get a man as perfect as Harry Styles.

Then all of my dreams came true. Harry Styles followed me, Harry Styles tweeted me, Harry Styles DM'd me, Harry Styles met me at a movie theatre, Harry Styles gave me his number, Harry Styles gave me a chance. And now here I was, rejecting him. If someone had told me this was going to happen five months ago, I wouldn't've believed them. I would've laughed in their face.

Because, if I was dating Harry Styles, well, who in their right mind would break up with him? Right? Well now it was different.

I had immersed myself, I was dedicated, I was torn. He wasn't Harry Styles anymore, he was just a normal lad, he was Just Harry My Boyfriend. I didn't see him as a star icon anymore, he was a person, just as equal as I was. We didn't have a long relationship and now I don't think that we ever should.

It's all about compatibility, really. And I just did not think that Harry and I could possibly be compatible. It was something that I believed, or would rather refer to as Harry exploring his new found sexuality and clinging onto the thing that was first brought into his attention - that being me. 

I was just a experiment. We didn't love each other mutually. It was hardly a serious relationship. He's exploring his sexuality.

He's exploring.

 The sentence rang in my head, buzzing around, making me cringe. 

"Harry, you're exploring your sexuality," I said calmly.

Tears were now making their way down both of our cheeks as I imagined Tina hiding out in the hallway listening to our problems being shouted into the air. I bit the inside of my cheek, urging myself to not make such a fool of myself, this was ridiculous. I shouldn't be dragging this on, he has to understand. 

"I am not," Harry refused. "Lou - Louis, I-I... You know that I...I love you, you know? I'll do anything, please..."

My eyes widened, "y-you love me?"

Harry nodded feverishly, "yes, so - so much, Lou, so much, I love you, I love you."

I took a deep breath, looking anywhere but to him. "Well then don't. Don't love me," I snapped.

Harry looked as though he had been slapped as soon as the words came out, "It's not a choice, Lou, I love you."

"I don't love you," I lied through my teeth, my voice quivering, trying to make it sound convincing, my chin wobbled with salty tears sinking onto my lips.

Harry shook his head again, refusing to look at me, a bitter scowl left his rosy red and bitten lips. "You're lying," he wet his lips with his tongue, looking at me glumly, yet hopeful.

"Harry, stop this, we need to stop this," I said, raising my voice which was high and cracking.

"We don't need to though, Lou, you know that," Harry said, his tears drying on his flushed cheeks.

"Okay, fine, I can't do this," I corrected, frowning.

There was silence, only Harry looking down at the ground and me analyzing ever feature he held.

"I'll come out," Harry finally said.

I slowly blinked, not believing a word he had just said. "No, you won't, Harry, it will ruin everything you've worked for."

"We can't be sure and I'm willing to take the risk," he said, his voice becoming more clear, louder even.

"Don't take the risk," I shook my head. "Not for me, I don't want that."

"Have you ever taken into consideration what I want, Louis?" His voice cracking, loosing the tone he had seconds before, his face falling into a broken frown. "Have you ever thought, hey maybe this will break Harry, maybe we shouldn't jump to conclusions like I always do."

"So you're saying it's my fault?" I asked, dropping my jaw.

"Well you're the one forcing us apart, it's not management for once and you're sitting here, seriously doing this," Harry argued, his face becoming visually irritated.

I let out a long sigh, "you're right, Harry, I'm making the decision, we're over."

_