Lessons In Love

Chapter 35: Thrown Away

"What are you talking about 'Mione?" He held her close and rubbed her back comfortingly.

Hermione didn't answer as she let her sorrows take over her and sobbed into his shoulder. She couldn't face him, at least not in the condition she was in. How could she tell him how she felt and that she couldn't be with him anymore when she couldn't control herself or compose her emotions enough to even make out a sentence? Ron remained quiet but led Hermione to lie down beside him and shifted her enough to cry into his chest. What was she doing? Why couldn't she just let him think that she loved him and she could be with Professor Snape at Hogwarts every night and pretend like nothing was wrong? It was ludicrous and she knew it but some part of her wished it could be so just so she wouldn't have to hurt anyone. Everything that was going on was really her fault. She led Snape on enough that he too fell for her while she was still being courted by Ron and now the Potions Teacher's career was threatened and she was cheating her best friend's trust and love away.

"Sshhh… it's alright, everything will be alright. Is it Snape? I can't stand to see him hurt you anymore." He closed his eyes and gave her a small squeeze. Hermione was taking deep breaths for air as she looked up towards the boy with a sad grin on his face, always the comforting look that she loved.

He affectionately rubbed her cheek with his thumb, wiping away the stream of tears that were falling. Hermione just watched his grey blue eyes shed warmth and love over her… he really did love her and she was going to break his heart. He smiled, "Just say the word and I'll hex that bloody git into the next afterlife."

Hermione let a smile play across her lips knowing that Ron truly would not have trouble carrying his threat out but he obviously would not have gotten far; Snape was quite the duelist, "No Ron… Professor Snape didn't do anything." She sniffed. He didn't do anything but fall in love with her…

Ron let out a disappointed sigh, "Well, my offer still goes," he laughed and rubbed her arm, "So why the unexpected visit then?"

She sat up pulled the old blanket around her tighter, "Ron… I…"

The red head sat up next to her, bringing his knees up and wrapping his strong arms around them, lazily, "Yeah?"

Hermione had not a clue how to start, how would she tell him? She looked down to her ring and silently slipped it off, not letting him see, "I… I'm not sure if I can do this anymore… my future is so…" she started breaking sentences.

Ron furrowed his brows, "'Mione? What are you talking about?"

Shutting her eyes tightly, trying to cut off the tears that were starting to heavily pour down her face once more, Hermione grabbed Ron's hand and placed the ring in his warm palm. Ron was speechless and stared down at the sparkling diamond in shock and hurt. He looked back up to see Hermione's lip quivering. He wasn't sure he was really registering everything that was happening,

"Hermione… we just announced our engagement, what is going on?" he stuttered out.

She turned to him and wiped her spilling teardrops, "I can't do this. I can't hurt you."

He scoffed quietly, "Well you're doing a right good job of hurting me now. Why?"

Although it would have been a much more complicated subject, if she could just tell Ron of her love for Snape, it would give her a real motive to back up her reasons for not wanting to marry him. She had to dig deeper inside. Professor Snape was not the only cause for her not marrying Ron and she knew it. She took a deep breath and felt her body tremble,

"The future you want and the future I want are so totally opposite. I need a career Ron. I am not ready to start a family. Hogwarts is my home and that is where I want to stay."