Lessons In Love

Chapter 18: Words of Wisdom

"He has been doing this every night, Professor! I don't understand…" Hermione admitted, frustrated. She had been spying on him almost every night since she found him with the boggart and thought she would confront the portrait of Dumbledore about it before taking action.

He sighed, "My old friend is still torturing himself, is he?"

"It's terrible to watch! Why is he hurting himself over and over? It's just a boggart… I'm sure if James Potter were alive, he would never say such terrible things now…" Hermione was honestly upset. Even though Snape could be a terrible person, especially when you cross him, he almost had a right to be… his life was so sad… Hermione wished there was something she could do to help him. To console him…

He mused for a bit until he spoke up once more, "Miss Granger, do you think James Potter is really the boggart in this case?"

Hermione was confused, "Well I saw him Professor… that's what it changed into every time."

Dumbledore's portrait remained silent and then very wisely commented, "Perhaps it is not the boy himself he is afraid of. Snape hated James; he was never frightened of him."

She thought about it for a moment, "So if it's not actually James… it's…" she paused for another moment before a shocked look appeared on her face, "The fear of Lily hating him..."

"So why does he torture himself with James saying such things?" Hermione asked, upset.

"Who wins the battle in the end?" Dumbledore asked, inquisitively.

"Sir?"

He rephrased, "Who triumphs over the other in the end… every time? Who can lock away the other and release him at his pleasure?"

"Well… Snape… but-"

Dumbledore smiled and leaned back in his chair, "Don't you think that gives him a sense of empowerment? He finally gets to defeat the one man that took everything he held dear to him away. Every time he opens that trunk, he knows that no matter what James Potter will say, he can always win."

Hermione smiled, he was so wise… "But Sir, how will he ever get over Lily if he won't stop this? How will he ever recover from his loss and wounds?"

"Well that's the question isn't it? He doesn't want to forgive himself or get over the fact that Lily is gone. He thinks if he lets go, he won't be able to love her anymore. If he lets go… Lily will never exist."

"So… he thinks that if he doesn't constantly remind himself of her… she will never be remembered? That's so sad…" she frowned, wishing she could console him somehow.

"Indeed," Dumbledore said, "But you know, Severus might have loved Lily… but he truly failed to act upon it. I still believe to this day that if he did, Harry would not be a Potter. And as the muggles say… the only way to get Love is by giving love. The more you give, the more you get."

Hermione smiled at the reference but frowned once her thoughts returned to Snape, "Well… you now know my feelings for him-"

He chuckled and his eyes twinkled, "Oh my dear I have known for quite some time."

She wrung her hands sheepishly in her lap, "Am I a fool for even letting myself feel for him when he is blind to everyone except Lily?"

"Ah we are all fools in love…" he grinned down on her.

"Professor… honestly? What do you think? Am I wasting my time? Should I just move on?" Hermione pleaded for his wisdom.

Dumbledore's portrait managed to change the subject, "You know I always thought that it was too early to sort students in their houses when they first arrived to Hogwarts as first years. I believe Severus would not have been placed in Slytherin if it were so. At that age, students let the house they are sorted into rule their lives and character. Even Draco Malfoy let the image of a Slytherin get to him. Had he been sorted into another house, I think his behavior would have been different to say the least."