Give It Two Weeks

~chɑptєr єɪght~

When I woke up I was laying in a pool of sweat. I had just awoken myself from a horrible dream, I don't know why I let myself stay in it so long. That was the third time I had woken myself up. Each dream different but equally horrid.

They were all basically warning me that I shouldn't trust Hayes. In the first dream he turned out to be a murderer. I know that isn't true of him but I also know it was red flags if I'm hearing that he may not be as good as he seems in both my head and my dreams.

In the second one we were in the ocean together and giant shark, larger than any realistic shark, came swimming up behind us both and instead of saving me he threw me right into it's mouth, maniacally laughing as though the shark was all part of his plan.

In the third dream it was much different from the others, but much worse. In this dream, we had spent every day of the two weeks together, and I had completely and utterly fallen for him, and I believed that he had too, but on the very last day he told me that he couldn't believe that I had trusted him. He told me I was naive and stupid. He told me he could never fall for someone like me, and that no one ever would.

I knew where that dream was headed right when it started based on the others, I think that I let it go on so far because I knew that I needed to hear it. I've never let anyone break the barriers around my trust, not that anyone has tried, and the second an attractive boy comes and flirts with me I open every door.

Right then, I closed every door back. And locked each one, preventing any more entrance to my trust. He couldn't get in. I couldn't let him.

Yesterday, those shitty quotes on Pinterest allowed me to fool myself. Of course he doesn't actually like me. No one ever really has, I suppose I'm unlikable. Perhaps that's why he chose me to play this awfully mean joke on.

I frowned to myself as I realized how stupid I had been yesterday.

"I'm an idiot." I whispered harshly and covered my face with my hands.

I rolled over and checked my phone for the time.

6:15 A.M.

That would explain the excessive amount of light shining through my window.

I rubbed my eyes, then rolled them, thinking again about my stupidity yesterday.

My eyes widened when I remembered that I had promised to meet him again today. In fact, I was the one who suggested it.

"Idiot." I scolded myself.

Even though it's early I'm going to have to text him. I need to break whatever it is we have now, before he completely knocks down that barrier I have. It's the only thing I'm proud of about myself, really. I've spent pretty much all of my life building it, I won't let all that work go to waste.

I unplugged my phone and took in a deep breath. I remembered the feeling I had in my stomach when we almost kissed on the waterfall, when we held hands, when his eyes gazed directly into mine as he tried to figure out what color my eyes had been, when he kissed my cheek.

I shivered remembering that moment in the elevator. Could he be serious about this? Could he actually like me. I remembered him telling me he had a crush on me, and how much it had made me blush. I praised myself for not saying I had a crush on him as well.

Maybe last night it felt like it, it felt like I could develop feelings towards him, but it wasn't real. It was those damn quotes that gave me damn confidence. Is this what confidence does to me? Allows my walls to be torn down, the walls protecting the things that I hold close? My trust? My feelings?

This is why I like being a quiet, secluded person, I decided. It's easier, less to worry about. Less drama. Less stress. God, in the couple of days I've known Hayes, I've had more stress than I'd had all year, but I'm done with that. Done with him.