Love and Lust Aren't the Same

She'll Never Know

Chapter 9: She’ll Never Know

After I got back home, I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation. I mean yeah, it’s absolutely amazing -and yet shocking- that she likes me back, and for that I'm grateful. But the little bit that she said "and I know you're not one to sleep around" is what has me TOTALLY taken back. It seems like everyone knew I was a player, and had a new girl in my bed every weekend –literally. I guess I shouldn't take this as totally unexpected; not everyone is popular. And plus none of my 'targets' have been outside of the people I knew, or at least were on the same level as me. And Alexis is definitely not on that level, yet. Now I know I have one other hurdle to get over before I'm totally in the clear:

She can't find out.

And as long as no one tells her, we can continue this "relationship" and forget about the dreaded thing. It's not like she never needs to know anyway. If this relationship goes where I -we- both want it to, then what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

But thinking of the site made me realize I owe Jake twenty bucks. Damn. I never thought I would have to do that. So I just shoot him a text; much better than in front of everyone anyways. Hey.

Jake: hey hows tht alexis chick going?

Me: ya about tht.....

Jake: luke tell me. whats up?

Me: I officially owe u $20

Jake: alright lemme guess. you like her don’t ya?

Me: tht obvious?

Jake: hell yes it is. when do i get my $$

Me: tomorrow

Jake: alright see u tomorrow then

Me: ya

About 10 minutes passed after I was done texting Jake. I go and take a quick shower and then throw myself under my sheets. As I lay in bed I find myself thinking of my beautiful Alexis. She's so sweet and innocent. I bet she's still a virgin. It's not like it matters if she is or not, but I do know girls are really "protective" when it comes to their innocence. The one thing in their life they have control over who takes it. I just hope Alexis trusts me enough- in due time of course - to take that precious thing from her. But who knows; if she's not a virgin, then I guess I really have nothing to worry about.

Wait. Am I seriously caring about this? Whether or not she’s a virgin, and the fact I want to have her later rather than sooner? What the hell is going on with me? Why am I caring? I’ve never cared in my life about this. Hell, I barely cared about women and just saw them as sex. This is ridiculous. Alexis Walker is turning me upside down. I guess I have no choice but to accept it, huh?

I go off thinking about our night again. Her eyes when she talked about her passion to become a psychologist and the way she flipped her hair when I complimented her, or my favorite; the little blush in her cheeks when she kissed me goodnight…