"Dave told you", was all he said. Although he couldn't lie because he worked with the person who told me. "Look Lauren, you don't understand why I did what I did." He tried to talk to me calm because he knew that I was gonna snap at any minute.
"Jahseh, that's no fucking excuse. Who or what the hell possessed you to do drugs? Is that why you came home pissed at me that night you were fired?" He didn't say anything at first.
"Look, I've been through shit in my life that you know nothing about. Look at you. You have the perfect family. Two fucking parents that love you and would do anything for you. You don't know what its like to be walked out on or abandoned. My whole life has been trash and I knew that drugs weren't the right thing to turn to but it helped me cope with the feeling. It helped me forget about my pain."
"Ok but I can't help what I have and what you had. You told me your story when we first started hanging out and yes, I felt sorry for you. I fell in love with you, thinking that I was your peace but yet here you are doing drugs like I'm your problem."
"I never said you were my problem. I still go through shit. I keep living in the past and it's not easy to just walk away from it."
To know that he was going through situations made me not only sad but pissed because I never knew he felt this way and he never told me anything.
"How come you're just now telling me this? You could have came and talk to me. That's what I'm here for." I wiped my eyes trying to keep the tears that were threatening to fall away.
"Some shit you just can't talk about. And you wouldn't have understood. Like I said, your life is the exact opposite of mine."
"Jahseh we all go through shit. My life isn't all perfect either like you think it is and it's not suppose to be that way."
He sighed. "Well if it makes you happy, I'm done with them okay?" He tried to walk away but I ran and stood right in front of him.
My face became red. "How do I know that you are?"
"Because I just told you. You don't trust me?"
I felt like he was fucking with me. Although I don't think he was trying to make me mad, that's what I felt. "You also told me that you were fired because someone accused you of stealing money. You lied about that, how can I trust you? It's a shame I had to find out the truth from someone else."
"Lauren, I didn't tell you because I knew that you were gonna act like this! I kept it from you because I didn't want you to get angry and upset with me."
"Oh great so lying to me makes it any better?"
He laughed sarcastically, "Oh now you wanna come to me about lying?" He stepped closer so now our faces were inches apart. "Did you not forget that you lied about your pregnancy?"
I took my finger and shoved his chest, "Don't you dare try to turn this around on me. I was going to tell you, just not at that moment. But at least you found out the truth from me and not one of my friends. The only reason I lied is because I thought you were gonna walk out on me."
"Now you see why I didn't tell you about my little drug problem."
"Its different with me, okay?"
"No it ain't. We both lied about something that we're not proud of so let's just forget about it."
He then walked away and went into the bedroom, closing the door. I followed behind and opened the door. This discussion wasn't over.
"Are you really done?"
He sighed and rolled his eyes, "Lauren, I'm not about to argue with you." He got off the bed and began putting different clothes on.
"I want the truth Jahseh. Are you or are you not done with drugs?"
