Where Is Heaven

Chapter Three - Regaining Grace

Cas waited for what felt like an eternity. But he knew what eternity was really like and he was grateful for how quickly God gave him an audience. He walking into his apartment when the next moment he was standing on a freshly cut hillside. The sun ahead of him was brilliant but dimming.

"You called?" God's voice was loud, but soft and comforting. It had been too long since he heard Her voice.

"I didn't know I would get you directly. Where have you been?" Cas turned from the sunset and stared into the brilliantly lit white eyes of God. In this time, she wore the face of a striking young woman who Cas had never laid eyes upon.

She cleared her throat and shrugged. "I am... But that doesn't mean I don't have time for you. You were my most beloved angel. But you left me, for that Winchester."

Cas felt his cheeks redden. " I felt something for him. But I was mistaken that he felt it too. And now I need to protect him at whatever cost. He needs to be happy, even if I am not there."

"Noble of you." She nudged against Cas' arm with a soft kind smile. "So what are you asking, Castiel? That I restore your Grace?"

"Yes." Cas took in a deep breath and looked back out into the setting sun.

"Tell me why." Her voice became inhumanly still.

"I did-"

"No, you were merely bullshitting the truth. Say it." Her hand wrapped around his arm and gave him the courage he needed.

"I am in love with Dean Winchsester." The words rolls out of his mouth with love and exhuburance. It was the first time he ever came to terms with his true feelings.

"Finally. You two play sexy eyes so much I can't believe you didn't confess your undying love earlier." A soft bubble of chuckles erupted from her throat.

"He doesn't love me. He goes home with girls... And he pushes me away." Cas felt more pain now that he confessed because of his ultimate fear of not being loved by Dean.

"Where does it say a man shall only lie with a woman? That Bible they preach about? No matter where love is, it should be presidency over any line written in a dusty book. Love is more important than body parts and societies rules. It is so precious and beautiful that no man or woman should be denied it. When I made love, politics and assholes decided it was their issue to dictate. Love who you love. You were the one to fight for Dean, and raise him from hell... You two were made for each other. Fight with everything you have for him."

Cas paused and took in all She was saying. "You will give me my Grace?"

"I will. But your soul, shall stay intact. Hide it, but nourish it. You were faithful to me. You gave your life for humanity and therefore I seem you worthy to carry the trophies of both heaven an earth. You will triumph, Castiel, and know that I am always watching over you. I love you with all my heart."

As the sun became invisible and the air from Her lips was carried away by the wind, Cas opened his eyes to find himself on Bobby's porch. His old powers coursed through his veins, but his heart pounded true.

Part 2

Cas waited outside the window of Dean's room until he heard footsteps and a door shut. When the light flickered on, Cas flew up and tapped on the window while balancing on the window ledge.

Dean's eyes lit up when they met Cas' and everything God had said suddenly made sense to him. There had to be love in those eyes. There was no mistaking the grin that swept quickly across his face and the sparks in his eye.

As soon as Dean unlocked and lifted the window Cas spilled in and fell hard on his shoulder. Dean saw his wince and quickly bent down to help him up. When their flesh touched both were struck with a tsunami wave of heat and both lost their breath. Dean stood quickly and took a step back to let Cas stand. He wiped his hands on his faded ripped jeans and tried not to stare at Cas.

When Cas stood up, he turned and kept a straight serious face. He wondered how long he could pretend to not be an angel before Dean would figure him out.

"I have spoken with God." Cas kept his voice level and cold.

"God dammit Cas." All the sparks left his eyes and the grin suddenly fell off his lips.

"It is better this way." He couldn't look at Dean when he pretended not to care, so he turned and watched the door intently. "Is Sam still awake? I need to discuss-"

"I loved you." A whimper of a whisper left Deans lips.

Cas turned and saw tears filled Deans eyes. Dean shook his head as his lips curled into a crying frown. Pain was daggers stabbing Cas at the sight of Dean in this much pain, be he let him continue because he knew he wouldn't say it if he knew Cas was still soulful.

"I fucking loved you." Dean whispered again as his heart sank to the pit of his stomach and an urge to close his eyes and never wake up started to shake his entire body. "And I lost you."

Without a word, Cas walked straight up to Dean until their noses were on the brink of touching. Dean kept his eyes closed until Cas reached up and laid his hand on the side of Dean's face. It was warm and soft under his finger tips. He loves nothing more than the feel of Deans face. Both their breathing was rhythmic and seemed to bounce off each other. When their eyes met a heat between grew into an unbearable itch that shook their entire beings.

Dean searched his eyes with the smallest hopeful grin. "Cas? You're really there?"

"Always." Cas mirrored Deans grin and leaned until their lips softly touched.

A groan left Dean's lips which caused his breath to travel down Cas' neck. Chills shot up Dean and he yearned for more of his angel. But Cas pulled back and held tight to the corners of Dean's jacket. They both stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. This time Cas welcomed it.

"Cas-" Dean started with an exasperated plea.

"We have work. I know this is complicated, God knows we want each other... But we have Lucifer to stop. And humanity to save." Cas took a deep breath and had to force himself not to give in to lust. "But I am here and I am not leaving your side. No matter what."

Dean smiled and felt the redness cuddle his cheeks. "Dammit Cas I can't even say how happy I am right now with you here. Can you stay tonight? Just lay beside me?"

Cas debated as he looked into the eyes of the man he loves. He didn't want to ruin their chances of stopping the apocalypse with something going wrong if they tried to be together. But at this moment, after all this time, he didn't want to leave Dean.

"Okay." Cas smiled again this time with his wayward toothy grin he saved for Dean. "But no contact. I couldn't handle it."

"That's fine." Dean turned of the light behind him.

Cas listened and saw in the dark as Dean shed his jeans carefully and then crawls into his bed and laid on his back. He closed his eyes and waited for the feel of Cas' weight on the bed.

So he went to the bed. He didn't want to strip, but he shrugged off his trench coat that he had still to keep him warm. When I hit the floor in a heap, Cas crawled into the bed and laid out on his back right beside Dean. Both their eyes closed and all they could hear was each others breathing.

"How long have you felt this way?" Dean asked in a hushed whisper.

"The moment your piercing green eyes stared into my soul when I yanked you from hell. That's where it started." Cas sighed deeply and wondered what the world would be like if he was never assigned to raise Dean.

"Purgatory. It's when I knew. When I was cutting down demons left and right and all I thought was finding you. I just wanted you safe. I couldn't even handle the thoughts of you being tortures or hurt. It's when I knew for sure." Dean broke the promise and moved his hand until their knuckles bumped. Then he traced his finger over the back of Cas' hand and rubbed his palm.

"Dean-"

"Let me have at least this much. Please. It is taking all of my willpower not to jump in you right now and rip out clothes off. Just.... Let me hold your hand." Dean pleaded with passion touching the tip of each word he spoke.

Cas opened his hand and let their fingers intertwine. They both laid there until they could hear the crisp chirps of the morning birds. And when the sun began to rise, Dean's hand was suddenly empty. He turned and stared lovingly at the imprint of Cas' head on his pillow. Today, they were just an angel and a hunter.