Don't Get Too Close (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

Thirty-Five: "Keep yourself together."

Thirty-five: "Keep yourself together."
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Song of the chapter:
Wings by Birdy
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I couldn't tell you how long I held her like that. It felt like forever, but that still wasn't long enough. It made up for all of the time we lost, although it was only a few weeks. Even then, it felt too long.

I tried my best to make her feel secure as she cried. God, I hated seeing her cry. And since it was because of me, it only made it worse.

Bringing my lips to her ear, I nuzzled my nose into her hair and inhaled. "Hey," I whispered once she seemed to be calmed down. "look at me."

Hesitantly, she did as I said and lifted her head from my chest so that her eyes were level with mine. She wasn't looking at me though. I took my hands away from her momentarily only to bring them up to her face, holding it.

"Can I--" I began as I wiped the wetness away from her face gently. "Can I see your arm? I just want to look at it and see if it needs to be fixed up at all. That's it," my voice was softer than ever and she still refused eye contact with me. That was until I moved a hand beneath her chin to bring her attention to me fully. "Is that okay? Can I do that?"

My eyes scanned over hers, noticing how red and tired they were. They were still beautiful, but I missed the sparkling green ones from before. I remembered when she would always refuse to look me in the eye. She had such a hard time doing it and I never really knew why. But I finally got her to cave and the first time I had the opportunity to browse those eyes, I knew I was hooked.

Saying she was hesitant was an understatement. She didn't move or acknowledge my words in any way, so I even thought of repeating myself. But she eventually nodded slowly, granting me permission.

With her face still in my hands, I leaned in and kissed her forehead softly to show how much I cared and that I would stick around no matter what.

Without a second thought, I took her hand in both of mine and rolled up her long sleeve to expose the white cloth wrapped around her arm to prevent bleeding. It was hard to tell in that moment when she hurt herself but once I had the bandage off, I would know. It scared me, but I needed to help her.

My attention was firmly on her wrist as I carefully began unravelling the gauze. I knew she wasn't looking and I didn't blame her. I wouldn't want to face my faults in front of somebody else either.

As I unwrapped the cloth, the cuts on her arm became more visible. They started at her mid-forearm and went right to the bottom of her hand. Most were horizontal, some were vertical. But they were all deep. They were much worse than they were the first time I had seen them. And these ones were all my fault.

Keep yourself together, I thought as my thumb caressed the skin on her arm, avoiding any of the wounds. Looking at what she did made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't handle knowing it was because of me. Every time she looked down at her arm, she was going to think of me and how terrible I was to her.

The color from my face had to have been completely gone. Even as I reached down to open the drawer with the first-aid kit in it that Natalie had just put away. I held her arm before me without breaking my eyes away from it. It was one of those things you didn't want to look at but you just couldn't help it.

As I cleaned her arm to the best of my ability, I could feel my eyes stinging and her watching me almost break down in front of her. I held my ground as well as I could. I didn't want to make her upset.

"Justin," she murmured, noticing that my hands were trembling a bit and my eyes were becoming glossy. I ignored her, wanting to fix her as soon as I could. I used saline and a new strip of gauze for her arm, then I pinned it together to hold it in place. "Justin, I--"