The Fallen Prince - Loki fanfiction ✓

13. If you'll have me

After the Warriors Three and Lady Sif had left, Loki hurried back to his chambers. He gave the Einherjar the command he was not to be disturbed. Mirilya sat in one of the chairs by the fire, reading the book he gave her. She was almost finished with it, just a couple of pages left until the end. She was wearing one of her own dresses and had braided her hair. Loki took that as a good sign, he had been afraid she might not want to get out of bed at all.

She looked up when he changed his ceremonial armour to something more casual. "That's Odin's staff," she said surprised. "So it's true!"

Loki nodded and put the staff up against the wall next to the hearth. Now that he thought of it, he had no idea what Odin did with the staff when he wasn't holding it. It was not like with Mjölnir that you had to be worthy to be able to pick it up, anyone could hold it. To be able to use it's powers, that required a different set of skills. With his mind on trivial things like what to do with Gungnir, he turned to Mirilya. 

He was shocked to see her stand up and bow for him. "My king," she said, inclining her head.

In two steps he was in front of her, gently holding her by her shoulders to make her stand up straight again. "You don't have to do that, ever."

He let go of her immediately and took a step back, the memories of last night still fresh. She held his hand last night in bed, but he didn't want to push her into anything she didn't want. Never again.
"I am so, so sorry," he told her, barely able to look her in the eyes. "I am ashamed for my behaviour. There is no excuse for what I've done to you." All the feelings from last night washed over him again, making him shudder. "I can't understand why you're still here," he said, his voice breaking. "I hurt you, you have every right to leave me."

He fell on his knees to the floor, not being able to hold up the facade any longer. Everything that happened in the past few days was too much. He had found love, but ruined it. He always knew he was different, but he had not expected to be thát different from everybody else on Asgard. And now he was responsible to keep the realm safe, a heavy burden with the current threat of war. Hot tears filled his eyes and he couldn't hold them back. Loki broke down, quietly wailing into his hands.

Soft warm hands pried his fingers away from his face. Mirilya sat on the floor before him and gently wiped his tears away. Loki couldn't believe the look of tenderness he saw in her eyes, but it was there, her golden eyes glistening with tears. She held her hand against his cheek and he covered her hand with his own, pulling strength from her touch. 

"I don't deserve you," he said shakily.

Mirilya didn't answer, but a small smile formed on her lips. Loki put her hand to his lips and softly kissed the tips of her fingers. "You mean everything to me. I vow to never hurt you again. My heart belongs to you, my love," he told her, speaking from the heart. "If you'll have me," he added, his voice unsure.

Loki thought his heart would burst when she leaned in and placed her soft lips upon his. "I love you," she breathed before she kissed him.

Loki sat on the floor in front of the fire, his back leaning against the chair. Mirilya leaned against his chest and he nuzzled her hair, holding her close to him. He had explained to her what happened yesterday and today. Everything, from Thor's banishment and discovering to be Laufey's son, to ascending the throne of Asgard. It felt good to talk about it, but he had been scared of how she might react. She had listened to it in silence, only asking a short question every now and then when she needed some clarification. When he told her of his Jotun descent, he expected her to be put off, yet she only grabbed his hands tighter, making sure he didn't loosen his embrace.

"I'm a monster," he said softly, hiding his face in her hair.

"Everybody has a monster inside of them," Mirilya answered gently. "Some are just better at hiding it than others." She turned in his arms to face him. "You were angry and in pain, you were not yourself. I know you're a good man, Loki, and you'll be a good king too."