Can what's lost always be found?

8. Don't leave me.

Chapter Eight: Don’t leave me.

I woke up at about three am to Lilly wriggling around, she was still asleep, but she was having a nightmare.“Lilly…” I shook her lightly, kissing her on the forehead. “Lilly…” I whispered again, as she stirred out of her nightmare back into reality, as soon as she opened her eyes, tears fell, falling all the way down to her chin. It really broke my heart to see her like this, I wiped away her tears with my thumbs lightly, as she looked up at me red eyed like a lost puppy. “What did you dream about beautiful?” I whispered, talking softly like you would to baby birds so you don’t scare them.

“Mum was gone, and so were you, I was all alone in this world to look after Jodie and dad… I lost you too… I can’t lose you too.” She started bawling into my shoulder, staining my shirt with her tears of pain and fear.

“I won’t ever leave you, I will be here with you and for you whenever you need me.” I kissed her on the forehead, wiping her tears away, carefully intertwining my fingers with hers careful not to break her fragile structure, you could see she hadn’t eaten, had a drink or slept since she was informed about her mother. She looked hollow and sick and fragile. “Let’s get you something to calm you down?” I whispered slowly getting off her bed with her following, grabbing her tissue box on the way.  I opened the fridge after sitting her down on the couch and laying a blanket on her, only to find a bottle of milk and some frozen chicken soup in the freezer, it’s clear that they haven’t gone shopping. Note to self:Go shopping…  Get mum to go shopping.

I re-heated the chicken soup on the stove and heated the milk in the microwave, giving it to her in her special ‘Lilly’ mug Jodie made for her, later a bowl of chicken soup each and we sat on the couch cuddling, watching Ice age. We eventually fell asleep again, and we didn’t wake up until eleven am, and Lilly started panicking, saying she wasn’t going to see her mum again if she didn’t go now… What did she mean?

We made our way to the hospital, to find that the cancer had spread far more than the doctors had thought, and that Julie was lucky to still be alive. Lilly sat in the chair next to her sleeping mother, holding her hand, rocking back and forth mumbling words over and over again, while her father and sister sat on the other side hugging each other.  I pulled up a chair next to Lilly, holding her other hand lightly, caressing the back of her hand with my thumb attempting to calm her down.

I helped Lilly write the text that everyone was secretly expecting, but never ever wanted to get, the worst part was when we had to call her grandparents and tell them that they would have to go to their own daughter’s funeral, and her sisters as well, Monica and Jess. Over the next day or so people came and went, leaving flowers and letters for the semi-conscious Julie who wavered in and out of consciousness because of all the pain killers she was on. The hours dragged on and on as the nurses and I tried to get them to eat, the most I got Lilly to eat was an ice-cream I had originally bought for myself which took her fancy about an hour ago, and I was just that thrilled that she wanted to eat something I couldn’t say no, who could?

“Goodnight mum, I love you, see you tomorrow.” Lilly weakly forced a smile at her mum, squeezing her hand lightly. Her dad and sister had already said goodnight and had fallen asleep while Lilly and her mum chatted about anything and everything.

“Goodbye beautiful, I love you so much, don’t you ever forget it.” Julie forced a smile back.

“Goodbye? No. Mum don’t talk like that, you’ll get through this!” The tears were starting to fall again.

“I’ve had a good run baby, please don’t ruin tonight, we were having so much fun.” Julie chocked out, with a tear stating to form in the corner of her eye.

“You can’t go, I need you.” Lilly sobbed, this really broke my heart, no one should have to go through this kind of thing at her age, it’s not right.

“Baby please calm down, go and get yourself another one of those ice-creams?” She suggested, Lilly did what she was told, kissing Julie on the cheek before leaving the room. “You’ll take good care of her won’t you?” She looked at me. “You’ll provide for her and make sure she’s happy, and I know you’ll get her whatever she wants, I can tell you love her.” She smiled weakly. “I mean, why else would you still be here? Nobody who didn’t love someone would stay through this, stay in the hospital with her, try and get her to eat, move their family down just so it was convenient for her. You’re special, and I know you two will last forever, because she loves you too. You’re perfect for each other.”

I sat there for a minute, staring at her, taking in what she had said. “Of course I will look after her, and love her and give her whatever she wants, and if she loves me back like you say, maybe she’ll have me.”

“She’ll have you any day, has she shown you her drawings?” She weakly smiled at me again.

“No?”

“They’re beautiful.”

“I’ll have to see them some time.” I smiled back, as Lilly walked back in.

“I bought one for you too Zayn, I know you’re not hungry mummy, you just had supper.” She smiled weakly handing me the ice-cream before sitting on my lap, holding the ice-cream in one hand and her mums hand in the other before her mum silently drifted off to sleep. When Lilly finished her ice-cream she flung her arms around my neck, and nuzzled her face into my shoulder, falling asleep there, and I slowly drifted into unconsciousness as well, knowing that this might be the last time I sleep in a while.