Someone To Lean On

It's All Coming Back

It's all coming back to him now. The reason why they've fought, the reason why they are here now, the reason why they've broken up, the reason why they just won't work out. Those seemingly endless cold nights where he would often stay awake, negative thoughts swirling in his mind, full of possibilities of what might their relationship go from there taunt him, laughing at how right they were, laughing at how he was wrong to push their wrong relationship further, laughing at the cuts and bruises from the reckless fall he had taken without someone down below to catch him, laughing at how he just broken his own little heart only to give it to others.

It's pathetic. So, so pathetic—he is pathetic. He could still hear how broken his voice sounded, he could still hear the echoing footsteps fading with a slam of a door, he could still see the exhaustion and hurt from his former lover's face, he could still see how he had walked out after he begged him to give it another try, just one last try to make it work out, he could still see the tears running down from his former lover's cheeks and he wanted to wipe them by his own hands but he couldn't because he just had no right anymore—it hurts, remembering all of this hurts. How could he be so stupid? How could he let the only person he loves and cares for slip away from him, like grains of sand in his fingers?

And he thought that he was ready, he thought he had already moved on, he thought that the bittersweet memories he had buried long ago won't come resurfacing in his mind, he thought it would hurt less now but all were a lie. Seeing him so suddenly shocked him, his mind going blank but managed to bring out the buried memories in the dark depths of it, a heavy feeling settling itself in his chest and stomach, tears threatening to come out of his eyes that were stuck on his former lover's form, managing to look away only to notice the girl beside him, and they looked happy.

They looked happier than him. His gaze seemed to be glued to them as they laugh, smile, and stare. They looked inseparable, they looked like they were no burden weighing their shoulders, they looked very content—it was so unlike their own relationship. Neither noticed him as they slowly walked away, watching as the man he once loved—and still does, he noted—placed a chaste kiss on the girl's lips, both giggling at the affection initiated. He then wondered as they vanished from his sight, were they like that when they were together? Did they touch like that? Did they kiss like that? Did they hold each other like that?

Somehow, all Lovino could remember was their never ending fights that were initiated by something so silly, so small that could be talked if only they would listen.

The event was so unexpected for him, never once picturing that he'd see him like this in the future. It did, and the realisation of it all hit him like the damn Titanic to the iceberg, and like the Titanic he felt himself sink in the sea of mixed emotions and he couldn't breathe and just like that, he was drowning. He stood there, with his vision all blurry as the first tear fell, then it was followed by more and he hastily wiped them, cursing at himself. Shame flooded him and he abruptly tore through the people, wanting to go home as fast as he can.

And it seems that fate really wants him to know that it hates him so much, as he run into someone and he made the mistake of looking up at the source of voice, drowning more as former fantasies and dreams he once had flooded the already high waters, his throat and heart and stomach clenching and he wants to throw up from the overwhelming sensations that he is feeling all at the same time, but he willed himself not to.

"Lovino?"

Then he spoke, and the poor man ran away again. Damn it all, he thought. It's unfair and ridiculous, he didn't think that a simple break up like that could affect him greatly like this. And that break up was so long ago, making him even more pathetic that he couldn't move on properly, that he still thinks of him, that it still hurts.

Damn it.

He hissed as his arm bumped into something, but he couldn't bring himself to care as he rounded a corner and fumbled with his keys, opening his front door before slamming it, his back following it and slid down.

It's all coming back to him still.

———

hi hello this is terrible and i can't wait for voltron season 5 release

whoops wrong fandom—well aNYWAY HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS MONTH I LOVE YOU ALL SPREAD THE LOVE