MerDer//Different Endings

Beginning Season 9 Different Ending

*KIND OF GRAPHIC AND REALLY SAD* 

"I'm probably going to miscarry anyway." 

Meredith and Derek lay in bed, both sleeping. Derek's arms wrapped around Meredith, laying on their left side. Meredith's right hand is being held in Derek's. 

Meredith had just got to the 11-week marker in her pregnancy. She and Derek both agreed that things may or may not work out in this pregnancy, so she made sure that she didn't get attached. Derek, on the other hand, was having a hard time with that. He's so excited, too excited. And although Meredith's excited, she's just as nervous, too nervous. 

Meredith rolls to her side, discomfort filling her whole body. She tosses and turns until finally, she opens her eyes and rolls onto her back. Derek grunts and throws his arm around Meredith's waist. Meredith squints her eyes as a cramp hits her abdomen. She moves Derek's arm and sits up. 

Meredith knows this feeling. It's happened before. Meredith pushes Derek a little bit until he wakes up. She moves the comforter off of her body as Derek wakes up. 

"Meredith, are you alright?" Derek asks softly as he opens his eyes. He stares down at the blood spot on the bed sheet. Meredith grabs Derek's arm as she grips her abdomen, too. Meredith lets out a little yelp, as she squeezes Derek's arm harder because of the physical and mental pain she's in. Derek sits up and rubs Meredith's back. 

Meredith lays back a little. Derek gets up to get Meredith a new pair of pajamas. Meredith gets out of the bed and goes into the bathroom. She sits on the edge of the bathtub, not able to stand because of the pain. Derek walks into the bathroom. He helps Meredith stand and change her pajama pants. 

As Derek and Meredith walk down to the living room, Derek runs into Zola's room. He grabs the sleeping baby and gets Meredith's hand in his own.

When he get's both of them in the car, he drives to the hospital. 

"Cristina's meeting us at the hospital," Derek tells Meredith. Meredith ignores his words as she looks out the window. Derek rests his hand on Meredith's thigh; usually, she would put hers on top of his but this times different. 

When they get to the hospital, Cristina meets them in the E.R.. She doesn't question Meredith, instead, she just takes Zola from Derek and waits in the waiting room with her. 

Meredith and Derek both stand at the check-in counter, waiting for a room. Meredith holds Derek's arm as she gets a cramp in her abdomen. Derek snaps at the nurse behind the counter to hurry up. 

A nurse comes up to them and then directs them to a private room. The nurse asks Meredith several questions. Finally, when the nurse leaves the room, Meredith looks away from Derek and lets tears fall from her eyes. Derek kneels down in front of her and rubs her thighs. 

"It's okay," Derek tells Meredith softly. "We did everything we could, okay?" Meredith nods. "We can keep trying," Derek says. Meredith looks down at him and smiles. 

"Would you be mad if I said I don't want to try anymore?" Meredith asks, sniffling. Derek puts Meredith's bangs behind her ears and smiles. 

"Of course, not." Dr. Butler, the on-call OB/GYN, walks in on them right then. Meredith wipes her face with the back of her hand and takes a deep breath in. Derek gets up and stands next to Meredith as she is insisted to change into a hospital gown. 

"I'm sure you don't want me to go through the procedure. Knowing that you are a doctor yourself, and you've had this done before. But sadly it's my job, so..." Dr. Butler starts to explain the D&C procedure and again, Meredith ignores the words. Meredith just thinks about Zola. She could have been a big sister, but Meredith ruined that. 

As Dr. Butler gets Meredith into the D&C procedure room, Meredith's nerves begin to rise. Derek grabs Meredith's hand as two nurses and Dr. Butler get ready to begin. 

"Would you like your husband to stay in here?" The short, black-haired lady asks Meredith. Meredith looks up at Derek and nods her head. 

"I'm so sorry," Meredith whispers to Derek as the procedure begins. Derek shakes his head and holds back the tears in his eyes from his wife's sadness. 

They had hope. 

They had health. 

They had love. 

They had a miscarriage. 

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That morning Meredith got sent home. It's just her and Derek- Zola staying with Cristina. 

At home now, Meredith lays on the couch as Derek washes the bed sheets. Meredith stares at the ceiling, thinking like a doctor how this could have happened again. She's healthy. She's young. She's good. Yet the world still hates her. 

Derek sits at the end of the couch, near Meredith's feet, when he's done putting the blankets into the washer. Meredith doesn't say anything to his presence, instead, she turns her body. Her head now rests on Derek's thigh, their hands intertwined. She stares at the ceiling again, keeping the thoughts of miscarrying on her mind. 

Derek doesn't try to say comforting words. He knows that just being there for Meredith right now is enough. But in the back of his head, he keeps asking himself, "what about me?" It's a good question. What his wife just went through was terrible, to say the least. But he'd just lost a child, too. And although he'd just lost a child, he would grieve about it later, when Meredith would be able to there for him, but right now he needed to be there for her. 

So, they sit there. No words. No actions. Just them. And they grieve, 

over another Baby That Once Was.